So there I was at Cartier, Rue de la Paix 11, in Paris. I asked the guy to show me what he had in watches for around four million euros. He assessed me with a glance (jeans, Indian kurta shirt, sneakers) and he said, "We have none. I am going to go eat my lunch."

They were Nike sneakers by the way. Originals.

The season of Auto-Responders has begun.

There are certain times during the year in which the people of the White City are suddenly and inexplicably unavailable. Between Christmas and New Year is a flexible gap of weeks in which people phase in and out of our space-time continuum. Then we are all here until May when the Easter-May Day vortex consumes a good 30% of our acquaintances.

At the moment, the remnants of the citizenry who are in Belgrade are hiding from the sun. Meetings get put off, people on the other end of the phone sound like they just woke up from an afternoon nap (even in the morning), "lunches," which already begin late as far as my hunger cycles are concerned, begin to drift more and more toward the evening.

Let me see if I have this straight:

   1. Government imagines lots of income for the year
   2. Government creates spending budget
   3. Government spends it.

When it gets really HOT, we turn on the fans and air-conditioners and complain about the heat, and then we book holidays at places on the seaside where it is even hotter. What we do not do, as I have just begun to appreciate, is to stay in Belgrade.

There is a mixed blessing about staying behind in the White City during August. The streets are empty if you wish to drive your car, but often there is no one waiting for you at your destination. There are fewer people in lines in the supermarket, but much of what you need to buy will not be stocked until September.

When something is broken in my immediate surroundings, I will call The Guy to come fix it.

This means the kitchen sink, the boiler, the fuse box, the electric outlets, the washing machine, the ripped shirt, the car, the window. Anything that we touch may break or cease to function at a moment's notice, whether or not I have struck it with a sledge hammer or tried to fill it with tomato juice. At that point, there is always someone out there whose special purpose in life is to repair the damage. We call the guy.

There I was, just about to close down my factory and send the workers home for the holidays, when it suddenly dawned on me. I could get Bailed Out!

My factory has for years produced the best possible Bicycles for Tropical Fish (BTFs). We had no rivals in any market! No one made a better BTF in the entire world. Rightfully, we were very proud of this achievement and our factory output surged with Pride in Workmanship, a Strong and Healthy Work Ethic, and most of the other jingoes which the US auto industry Nawabs were singing over the last few weeks. The thought of getting the US Congress to bail me out has lifted my spirits greatly!

Let’s begin by stating the Obvious.

A banker’s first and best duty is, of course, to extract all the money from your pocket, mattress, closet, or left shoe and lock it up securely in its vaults.

Never mind all of the advertising you have seen to the contrary telling us about FREE CASH, NO INTEREST, SWISS FRANCS, and Gosh-my-bank-wants-to-buy-me-a-new-house! In the end, your dinars must wind up on the other side of the teller’s counter, ostensibly waiting for you to collect them later, otherwise we would have a lot fewer bankers clogging the arteries of Belgrade with Mercedes, BMWs, and Jaguars.

(If I were a banker, I think I would be the guy in the Astin Martin.)

Winter clothes. Summer clothes. Bags in, bags out. Sweaters, wool trousers, heavy suits, dark colors to absorb the watery winter sunlight. T-shirts, shorts, short sleeves. And do I really need this t-shirt that I could wear for the last time in the last century? Hm...

The best thing we can do, in this time of economic crises, is to go shopping.

There has long been an unwritten psychological boon which comes with this. We shop when we are feeling down. We shop when we are feeling good. We feel empowered even if we do not buy anything. The very idea that we COULD decide to exchange money for the good on display before us is a powerful notion.