Blog :: Chris Farmer

Skammdegisthunglyndi

Chris Farmer — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:00:09 GMT

In Iceland, they have a name for it. It is the feeling of seasonal depression when the days start getting short and nights start coming sooner. "Skamm" means short, "degi" is day, "thung" is heavy and "lyndi" means mood.SkammdegisthunglyndiUntil December 22, when the days start growing again, the occurrence of Short-Day-Heavy-Mood will be on the increase. In fact, we might well blame everything on it, as it seems to affect everyone to some extent. Get in a fight at the office? Skammdegisthunglyndi. Trouble at home? Skammdegisthunglyndi. Late to pay your electricity bill? Skammdegisthunglyndi.Or just absent mindedness. To some extent, we can blame the short days for the pandemic H1N1/09 virus (this is the official name, I found out, because "H1N1" is just the regular flu). One of the ways to avoid infection, apparently, is to get plenty of vitamin D. Sin

Watching Baseball

Chris Farmer — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 02:00:24 GMT

When the umpire shouts "Play Ball!" at the beginning of the game, the players react by standing still. Nine guys waiting to bat. Nine guys standing ready in the field. A lot of standing.The World Series of Baseball is underway between the 2008 champion Philadelphia Philies and the 26-series winning New York Yankees. And while I do not think I am the only one in Serbia to be watching the Series, the club seems to be rather small...On the surface, there do not seem to be a lot of reasons for anyone to watch baseball. The game is long - there are no timed innings or quarters or halves. In theory, a game can be continued in perpetuity if the score stays within a point (the record for one game is eight hours and 25 minutes, set in 1981). While playing, most of the action happens between the pitcher and the batter and rarely more than four of the guys in the field have to bestir themselves at one time. As t

Supposably NATO

Chris Farmer — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:00:21 GMT

When people say "supposably" in a sentence, my teeth begin to grind. In the same way, every time I hear people - intelligent people, educated people, intellectual people - using the term "NATO Pact," my head starts to throb. Right there behind the eyes. Just to be clear: it is called a "pact" because it is an agreement. It is called the Warsaw Pact because it was signed in Warsaw. On the first of May, 1955, in beautiful downtown Warsaw, eight friends sat down around a table and signed up to be Best Friends for Life. On that day, Albania, Bulgaria, Czechoslovakia, East Germany, Hungary, Poland, Romania, and the Soviet Union signed the "Treaty of Friendship, Co-operation and Mutual Assistance," aka "The Warsaw Pact." At the time, everyone (except Albania) had friendly Soviet troops marching around their streets.Many people think the Warsaw Pact was signed as a direct respo

Wintering Up

Chris Farmer — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:00:32 GMT

Winter clothes. Summer clothes. Bags in, bags out. Sweaters, wool trousers, heavy suits, dark colors to absorb the watery winter sunlight. T-shirts, shorts, short sleeves. And do I really need this t-shirt that I could wear for the last time in the last century? Hm... Sacks of discarded clothes: 1985, 1991, 1998, 2004, etc. All into heavy back bags and carted out to give to charity or family or whoever wants or might need them. Sacks of unusable clothes. How much STUFF can one person accumulate???Winter tires. Insulation. When will this heat start working in the building? Winter jackets and coats. Scarves and gloves. And shouldn't I keep just one summer outfit in case? No. No! Out, away, packed, gone, banished, binned, burned, donated - get thee hence.The ritual of the change in seasons, which happens twice a year in my home, involves the painful decisions about those items of clothes which I have not worn in

Individual Hunger

Chris Farmer — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:00:53 GMT

On Friday, I will not be eating.According to many, this might be a good practice for me every day, but I will be hungry on Friday because I just added my name to the Hunger Strike Against Hunger action set for Friday, October 16, 2009.When I signed up, I was not asked for an email address, any contact details, or any kind of contribution to a cause. The idea of joining this movement, it seems, is to make individuals aware of hunger as a problem. We will voluntarily eschew eating for one day without an undue amount of pressure to do so. The idea of this kind of symbolic hunger strike will feed no one. It will not solve any problems for any family, community, or individual around the world or in Serbia. The whole point behind it is for us to remember and be aware of this global problem. It gives perspective in lives which are more concerned with getting the business of life done on a daily basis, dealing with real and art

The Other

Chris Farmer — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 14:00:01 GMT

This is a time for considered reflection. Given the events in Belgrade of the last couple of weeks - the seemingly random attacks, the last-minute suppression of the gay parade - it does not seem a time to speak out and be heard. We should all stop and consider what we have allowed to happen here. I had not planned on writing on this subject as it has been thoroughly talked about, but I happened to find this in my reading, which I thought might be relevant. The OtherHe thinks notLike me. He believes nothingWhich I believe. He looks differentFrom me. His blood - has he any?Does he hope and dream?Does he love and aspire?No: let's kill him now.Too many questions, too much thinking.Perhaps we would find a family cryingMaybe some latent contributionOr what if we found out, by asking,That we are fast friends? We don't know.We cannot know. It's easier.And what if he were me? (by Mat Smith)

Welcome to Here!

Chris Farmer — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:00:29 GMT

There is abundant evidence to support the hypothesis that I am writing to you now from Serbia. Although I do not feel under any obligation to prove to you where I am, I certainly do not feel the need for someone to tell ME where I am.And then along comes the Tourist Organization of Serbia. All around Belgrade this summer, billboards and posters have sprung up. They have pictures of enticing foods, they have catchy slogans luring the idle passer by to dream about voyages to exotic places. When you look closer, you see that (Hey!) it is the food you had for lunch, and (Wait!) this is advertising for Serbia!Hang on... aren't we already here?Indeed we are, we in Belgrade respond. Why then, we ask ourselves, has the TOS decided to spend a lot of money for an advertising campaign promoting Serbia to Serbs and the rest of us here? This is where we began: I am sure I do not need them to tell me where I am. When we travel to a fore

Calling the Guy

Chris Farmer — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 16:00:06 GMT

When something is broken in my immediate surroundings, I will call The Guy to come fix it. This means the kitchen sink, the boiler, the fuse box, the electric outlets, the washing machine, the ripped shirt, the car, the window. Anything that we touch may break or cease to function at a moment's notice, whether or not I have struck it with a sledge hammer or tried to fill it with tomato juice. At that point, there is always someone out there whose special purpose in life is to repair the damage. We call the guy.I say "we" call him, but more and more I am getting the impression that it is only me. Every time something goes wrong and I want to call the guy, I seem to get looks of sympathy and condescension. People (men in particular) think it is a personal failure if we cannot fix something ourselves but have to appeal to a mercenary "majstor" to come in, assess the situation, shake his head sadly

Ghosts

Chris Farmer — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 20:00:06 GMT

When it gets really HOT, we turn on the fans and air-conditioners and complain about the heat, and then we book holidays at places on the seaside where it is even hotter. What we do not do, as I have just begun to appreciate, is to stay in Belgrade.There is a mixed blessing about staying behind in the White City during August. The streets are empty if you wish to drive your car, but often there is no one waiting for you at your destination. There are fewer people in lines in the supermarket, but much of what you need to buy will not be stocked until September. Your dry cleaner has gone to Turkey. Your hairdresser is in Greece. The guy in the kiosk only stocks his own favorite cigarettes and newspapers. The DVD guy on the corner is not (on the corner). No chance of getting your car fixed before next month. And your friends have their answering machines and auto-responders running. You start to wonder if you are actually here or

Thriller

Chris Farmer — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 16:00:11 GMT

We are indeed kind and caring people. Aren't we?We mourn the sad tragedy of the passing of Michael Jackson at ago 50. We celebrate the man who was a star from early childhood, an icon in the 1980s, the King of Pop, and we kindly and gently pass over the child molester, the depraved sociopath, the one who dangled his child out of a London hotel window, the one who attempted to surgically alter his skin color making him look like more like a live-action cartoon character than a human being. Who are we kidding?The hypocrisy of the death of icons - and here I know that I am going to raise a number of hackles - has us lionize people who had spectacular lives, or perhaps who actually DID do a few wonderful things while living a less than model existence the rest of the time. Elvis died of an overdose. John F. Kennedy was certainly not the best US president in history. Jim Morrison. Kurt Cobaine. John Lennon. He

Of Boiled Potatoes

Chris Farmer — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 13:00:53 GMT

Nothing, one finds, hones the sense of appreciation of food more than its denial. Having just undergone a couple of weeks of more or less severe and more or less unappealing stomach flu, I am currently on what is called a Restrictive Diet. This means Boring Food Only. We have, as a race, an interesting relationship with food. Unless we grow it ourselves, we usually take it on complete trust that someone has grown and made it for us with Good Intentions. We must also take it on complete trust that once we eat it, it is not MEANT to kill us. At least not intentionally. We go to supermarkets and are shown masses of small-print ingredients which very few of us read. We are shown certificates of origin which are subject to almost no control. We are told something is fresh, organic, and healthy whereas we must simply trust that it is what it claims to be. It is a little like reading a novel or watching a p

Along the Human Walkway

Chris Farmer — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:00:06 GMT

In case he would like to use one of them, the City of Belgrade deployed its 4,500 uniformed policemen to close down the streets for Joe Biden. I think, as a courtesy, this may have been somewhat over the top, but I am not a diplomat, I suppose. Contrary to what you are already setting your surmisers to surmise, this is NOT going to be a litany of complaints about the fact that our already traffic-impaired City on the Danube has literally been closed down today, forcing people to either a) take extraordinary measures to come to work or b) stay home in their pyjamas and watch Oprah. In fact, it is quite the opposite. This morning, from around ten until around eleven, I walked the 25-minute distance to my office. We all knew that there would be traffic problems today, and some of us prepared for it. I left my home with a backpack full of electronics, a new shirt, music, and a full measure of determination. What I saw along

Shopping Ourselves to Recovery

Chris Farmer — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 13:00:34 GMT

The best thing we can do, in this time of economic crises, is to go shopping.There has long been an unwritten psychological boon which comes with this. We shop when we are feeling down. We shop when we are feeling good. We feel empowered even if we do not buy anything. The very idea that we COULD decide to exchange money for the good on display before us is a powerful notion. Our new shopping complex at Ušće is another example of this. Never mind that we are teetering on the edge of solvency. Never mind that the new Ušće mall is a rearranged replica of Delta City. Who cares about uncertain finances, unemployment, inflation, and rising taxes? We can just buy a new pair of pants and all will pass.I sound cynical, I know. But in reality I do believe in consumerism. The consumer is the one piece on the chess board that can move anywhere it wants. It can leap from one side of the board to the other even more ably than the quee

Of the People, for the People

Chris Farmer — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 00:00:23 GMT

Let me see if I have this straight: 1. Government imagines lots of income for the year 2. Government creates spending budget 3. Government spends it.Ok so far? 4. Government turns out its pockets and 5. Government finds them empty 6. Government raises taxes!And then.... 7. Government gets a windfall from IMF 8. Government begs money from Europe 9. Government fleeces the taxpayersBut still... 10. People lose their jobs 11. People cut their budgets 12. People's tummies begin to rumbleBut what if 13. Government cut jobs? 14. Government reduced its budget? 15. Government went for liposuction?Because if not 16. People will not be able to pay taxes 17. Government will charge them fines 18. Government will add imaginary fines and unpaid taxes to their imaginary income (see above) and tell the IMF and the EU how much they have SAVED!!!"And they all lived happily ever after.

Freddy Friday

Chris Farmer — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 23:00:34 GMT

Friday the 13th... As it happens, I was born on a Monday the 13th, at seven ante meridiem no less. As if I was born ready for school (or work). Each time I brush with traditional bad luck omens, like black cats or walking under ladders or my unlucky watch (of which etc cetera), I am constantly confronting my conditioned reactions to them an assessing what they make me feel and sometimes do. I do not, for example, walk purposely under ladders. It seems like a reasonable precaution given the uncertain agility of he who balances thereabove. I do not throw my hat on the bed (primarily because I do not wear hats all that much). And I do not open umbrellas in the house, because... why would you? Common sense, I suppose.On the other hand, every time some occasion arises to exercise common sense, I find myself second-guessing my motivation. Did I do it because of FEAR OF REPERCUSSIONS? Do I seriously and secretly somehow believ