Emasculating the Cowboys

ANNOUNCEMENT: Due to the new law on traffic, I am currently in the market for trading in my car in exchange for an elephant. Please contact this blog with photo and details. Camels also will be considered. No time wasters please.

Given that the newly sanctioned traffic cameras will apparently be rolling all the time, there will be no place for the White City's traffic cowboys to hide. By cowboy, I am referring to the guy in the black Audi, with no license numbers, slaloming from right to left to right lanes at 130 kph while talking on one cell phone, texting on another, lighting a cigarette, changing the cd music, and wearing dark glasses behind tinted windows.

At midnight.

Either these cowboys will be gelded and stabled by the all-seeing eyes in the sky, or they will become the single largest source of income for Belgrade traffic police.

We see these cowboys every day. We sit behind our wheels and curse them under our breath. We hope that they get caught and fined. But while we seethe and watch them, we know that the likely recipients of the tickets will be us. We are the low hanging fruit, easy wins for the cops.

As much as I am very much in favor of reigning in the terror of the streets, I am also a little afraid of these new techno-informants. No matter what you do, you cannot always get everything right in the car. You forget the seat belt (well, I do anyway), you speed up to 42 in a 40 zone, you cruise through a yellow light that turns red before you make it all the way.

Petty infractions, to be sure, but with the cameras snapping, you have no one to whom to make your case. The incriminating photos arrive at your home accompanied by your ticket. In the old days (i.e., last week), you could cajole and banter a little with the traffic cop and head off a ticket on the grounds of reasonableness or a small consideration. But to argue a camera ticket, you will have to go before a judge - and who will do that?

So, my guess is that the best way to deal with this Brave New World is to step into an older one. I do not believe the new laws apply to elephants. I will have no trouble with parking as he can rove around the park while he waits for me. I will have no trouble with speeding because the elephant could never work up enough velocity.

Seat belts may be tricky, however.