The Vaccine for Christmas

Oh yes, I mean, IF we are already sick. And IF we get in line early enough. And because only 140,000 doses of the bug are sitting in Serbian vials, by a rough calculation, there is one shot for every 57,142 people.

So hurry! Avoid the Christmas rush!

The health minister got the first shot (naturally). But when the vaccines became available here last week, it seems there was no mad dash to the doctor to get stuck in the arm.

In fact, very few people with whom I have spoken think that they WANT this vaccine at all. The newly vaccinated health minister even said, before we went into a provisional and precautionary preliminary state of medical emergency, that people who did not want to be vaccinated should be registered. Shunned. Ostracized, Discriminated against.

In fact, now that you think of it, this would be a good way for the government to decide who gets the vaccines. We could eliminate the undesirable groups from the beginning.

• No smokers (that already cuts out about 80%) because we have a death wish
• No one who leaves an empty water bottle in the refrigerator
• No one with outstanding traffic tickets
• No one who forgot to buy that silly yellow vest to keep in the car
• No one who argues too loudly in kafanas
• No one who fumbles in their pockets for a checkbook in the supermarket
• No one who handles fresh food without gloves
• No rude check-out clerks
• No one who parallel parks without looking back
• No one who walks across the street in front of cars
• No one who does not like sarma
• No one who uses connections to get a new passport
• No one who IS a connection for new passports
• No shop keepers who shout "IZVOLITE!"
• No one without exact change
• No one who blocks the garage exit while paying
• No one walks too slowly on sidewalks
• No pets
• No one who disagrees with any of the above on moral grounds

Crunching the numbers, it seems that if we apply these simple rules, we will have approximately 139,998 vaccines remaining. Remember, the health minister got one already...

If you are the one who qualifies, please report immediately for your Christmas vaccine shot! If you act now, we will give you a second dose for FREE!