Friends of the Beach

"BELGRADE, B92  -- A delegation of the Environment Ministry will be heading to Bali to attend the UN Ministerial Council forum program for environmental protection.
The delegation will be headed by Minister Oliver Dulić.  The delegation's trip will cost RSD 2mn, but Dulić said that every member of the delegation is needed, because Serbia is currently presiding over the UN Environmental Protection (UNEP) program...."

I am seriously considering getting into this environment racket.

We will send a huge delegation to Bali (BALI!) at a cost the taxpayers of two MILLION dinars. Just tell me that these ministers will not be bringing their bathing suits.

I am just a little concerned that the allure of the beaches and other points of (ahem) cultural interest may distract our delegates from the task at hand. The fact that the conference is being held on an island paradise may allow them to forget about ozone depletion, carbon dioxide levels, and receding polar icecaps. Maybe the rising sea levels will be of concern if the surfing becomes dangerous or if there is suddenly less room on the beaches.

I therefore suggest that I join this delegation as an impartial observer and commentator.

Among the many things which I do to protect the environment (list available on recycled paper), the chief among them is that I am NOT traveling to Bali on a plane. If anyone is reading this, I would be prepared to go to Bali by sailboat, thus demonstrating that I am indeed a Friend of the Environment.

Moreover, I would NOT be filing thousands of papers and briefs and reports, actions which cause the unnecessary death of hundreds of trees. If I were chosen to go on this mission, you may be assured that I will not look at a single piece of paper while I am there.

I do not mean to downplay the importance of protecting the environment. But it is a little niggling to note that the environmental conferences are usually held in environmental paradises. Could we not have a conference or two in places like Pancevo? Like Chernobyl?  Three-Mile Island? At least we would have the impression that the delegates we send would be staying inside to work - even if it were just to avoid having their lungs singed by toxic air.

These are the things that I would say in addressing the UN Ministerial Conference in Bali. And my environmental footprint would minimal. What's a few thousand more dinars in the face of two million dinars?

I am waiting by my phone for the call. Bags packed.