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Reasons Not to Speak Serbian: An Annotated List

Chris Farmer RSS / 29.10.2010. u 19:11

Recently I find myself telling people how long I have been here. It is also a recent phenomenon that people begin to compliment my Serbian. I always say thank you. But I know the truth...

The ugly truth is that I have been here for nearly a decade and communicate like a Balinese coconut-picker landed suddenly in the middle of a Parisian dinner party. In the court of Louis XVI.

Of a Tuesday afternoon.

The following are reasons, rationalizations, justifications, apologies, and excuses and are only part of a whole complex system which seems not to allow me (see how I shift the blame away from myself?) to perfect my imperfect Serbian language "skills".

Reason Number 61.    EVERYONE SPEAKS ENGLISH TO ME

While this seems like a cheap and or lame excuse, it is true that every time I try to put three words together in Serbian someone will ask me in crystal clear Queen's English if I am going to be sick. Such do I sound, I suppose, to the lay-listener.

Reason Number 538.    I CANNOT REMEMBER THE WORDS

Without sending myself an undue amount of flowers, I already speak four languages - but they all somewhat resemble each other. This means that an Italian word can be floated into French with an appropriate accent and, while still being wrong, can pass as comprehensible. But none of these words sound ANYTHING like Serbian.

I have stood innumerable times in open-mouthed silence before an interlocutor trying to give birth to the Right Word or an approximation thereof or something that might mean something similar or even something that is completely different just to fill the silence. Mouth open, eyes apoplectic, brow perspiring, and no sounds coming out.

The words. I cannot remember the words. Otherwise I speak fluently.

Reason Number 707.    THE STRATEGIC ADVANTAGE IN "NOT" SPEAKING

Question: is it a real advantage to be able to understand when the person in front of you is insulting you, thinking all the while that I do not understand? In order to maintain the pretense, I cannot respond either in kind or even in gesture or facial expression. One therefore adopts as bland a visage as possible, making oneself exponentially more ridiculous.

Traffic cops and other officials seem to see through this position however. And anyway they tend to speak English in the alternative. And when they do speak English, the amount of the "fine" tends to increase in proportion to the GDP of the United States.

So this is no real advantage.

Reason Number 3,173.     THE TREACHERY OF HALF-UNDERSTANDING

This is pernicious. When, in the middle of a rising conversation which has ebbed and flowed and gone around many bends, I will suddenly understand something which was said about 22 minutes previously. But as the Wernicke's area of my temporal lobe has been busily processing the reception of the language up until now, I did not perceive the passage of those 22 minutes.

When I then blurt out my response, 22 minutes and several conversations too late, I am treated to a round of uncomprehending looks, and, normally, manage to kill the conversation altogether. The looks continue until I have slid underneath my chair and hidden my head completely.

*****

These are only four entries out of the unabridged 36 volume set on the Reasons Not to Speak Serbian. I note them here just in case, as has happened to me on rare occasions, people may wish to address language to me. It will help in the interpretation of the cold sweats, the trembling, and the general agitation which is produced as a result under such interrogation as "Gde si?"

Uh... ummm... ahh... Forget it.

Atačmenti



Komentari (25)

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jednatanja jednatanja 19:41 29.10.2010

:)

This means that an Italian word can be floated into French with an appropriate accent and, while still being wrong, can pass as comprehensible. But none of these words sound ANYTHING like Serbian.


You have it easy in Serbia, in Hungarian, "international" is "nemzetközi" and for "computer" you´d have to say "számítógép"
Bili Piton Bili Piton 19:51 29.10.2010

Re: :)



I like this. Love a man with a healthy sense of taking the piss out of oneself

But hey, don't worry, it'll all come to you someday. You'll surely even be able to pronounce something like SVRLJIG remotely faithfully, and that's saying something.

as for the reasons....

krkar krkar 20:24 29.10.2010

Re: :)

You have it easy in Serbia, in Hungarian, "international" is "nemzetközi" and for "computer" you´d have to say "számítógép"


As usual, the glass can be either half-full or half-empty.

Szamitogep (my apologies to Hungarian speakers for not bothering to switch keyboards - I always get the diacritics wrong anyway) is actually Calculating Machine - basically the same as Serbian računar and German Rechner, a small step away are the computer and computador, then quite a few steps further are the ordinateur and ordinatore which do not compute but rather arrange...

A simple calculator, nowadays quite a 'primitive' machine, is quite different from the mighty computer - in English. In Hungarian the difference between the lowly szamologep - the Adding Machine and szamitogep is much subtler. And then you have those languages that never bothered to think about the essence and simply adapted Computer to their own pronunciation and/or transcription without trying to connect it to the deeper meaning...

Once you open your mind new languages are fun. Exciting, sexy, intellectually challenging, rewarding... and dead easy.

But the first step is the decision where to direct your efforts: into excuses for not learning or into rewards for learning.

The choice is purely individual.
yugaya yugaya 20:57 29.10.2010

Re: :)

Exciting, sexy, intellectually challenging, rewarding.


I am yet to hear anyone describe learning Hungarian past elementary level like that.

...for example... the case markers...it's like ....waterboarding....torture........pain.....

Here's another pair :

mosógép
and mosogatógép ( washing machine and dishwasher )
krkar krkar 21:28 29.10.2010

Re: :)

yugaya
Exciting, sexy, intellectually challenging, rewarding.


I am yet to hear anyone describe learning Hungarian past elementary level like that.

...for example... the case markers...it's like ....waterboarding....torture........pain.....

Here's another pair :

mosógép
and mosogatógép ( washing machine and dishwasher )


Love Hungarian, it is so logical. Very mathematical-logical.

Moso = (to) wash
Gep = machine

moso + gep = Washing Machine

mosogato = washing trough/sink (kitchen)
mosogato + gep = sink + machine = dishwasher



joseywales joseywales 23:50 29.10.2010

Re: :)

SVRLJIG




Say "Svrljig" three goddamn times in a row! Come on! I dare you! I doubledare you! Say "Svrljig" three times in a row!
maksa83 maksa83 19:47 29.10.2010

oh yes

Question: is it a real advantage to be able to understand when the person in front of you is insulting you, thinking all the while that I do not understand?


Naravno da jeste prednost.


krkar krkar 21:08 29.10.2010

Prince Farmer

The words. I cannot remember the words. Otherwise I speak fluently.


Odlično govorite engleski i nemački, a kako se služite srpskim jezikom?


- Učim ga, ali ne svakodnevno. Radim po 15-16 sati i nemam vremena. Kad boravim u Srbiji, naučim po 200-300 novih reči, ali ih nažalost zaboravim. Naučio bih ga mnogo bolje da živim ovde. Učim i ćirilicu i shvatio sam da mi je lako da je čitam, ali ne razumem šta piše.


Some "prince" of the Republic of Serbia
gorran2 gorran2 21:29 29.10.2010

Re: Prince Farmer

Učim i ćirilicu i shvatio sam da mi je lako da je čitam, ali ne razumem šta piše.


Fe-no-me-nal-no!
duchesse duchesse 19:21 31.10.2010

Re: Prince Farmer

Some "prince" of the Republic of Serbia

petar_p petar_p 21:28 29.10.2010

jedan zanimljiv video

o David Moss-u koji je naucio odlican srpski dok je radio sa Tockom :)
gorran2 gorran2 21:32 29.10.2010

Re: jedan zanimljiv video

o David Moss-u koji je naucio odlican srpski dok je radio sa Tockom :)

Nije to ništa. Tarzan je našao engleski bukvar u džungli, i iz njega naučio i da čita, i da piše, i da govori engleski
AlexDunja AlexDunja 21:55 29.10.2010

:)

"Gde si?"

Uh... ummm... ahh... Forget it.


just say:) hi
myredneckself myredneckself 00:43 30.10.2010

Re: :)

Reason Number 61. EVERYONE SPEAKS ENGLISH TO ME

While this seems like a cheap and or lame excuse, it is true that every time I try to put three words together in Serbian someone will ask me in crystal clear Queen's English


Kris, odlučila sam da više ne komentarišem na tvojim postovima na mom kristalno čistom engleskom.

PS
'Ajde, dobro...stvari bi bile ponovo u redu, kad bi ti napisao bar jedan kratki post na srpskom.
Važi?!

srdjan.pajic srdjan.pajic 01:11 30.10.2010

speaking

No 1.

That is precisely the reason my (American) wife gives me for not learning Serbian.
But she also refuses to correct my bad English, claiming that it is "good enough", that she understands everything I say, and that my English is, paj'z sad ovamo: charming!

And then my best man, a natural born Texan, was learning Serbian on his own, to impress his present wife (Serbian). And he managed to. But he complains that neither I or his wife don't know formal Serbian grammar good enough, so he can't learn anything useful from us. Yeah, he has strange methods, he is one of "those" Americans who studied Latin for 6 or 8 years. Although, I must admit, he got proficient enough in my language, that we can switch to Serbian quickly, if there is an imminent need to gossip our boss (American).
maca22 maca22 11:41 30.10.2010

Re: speaking

Ženi domaće.
:)
talicni talicni 23:05 30.10.2010

Re: speaking

srdjan.pajic
No 1.

That is precisely the reason my (American) wife gives me for not learning Serbian.
But she also refuses to correct my bad English, claiming that it is "good enough", that she understands everything I say, and that my English is, paj'z sad ovamo: charming!


Let me guess: she said something in Serbian and you made fun of her?
mlekac mlekac 01:20 30.10.2010

This reminds me

of my problem with Setswana.

Actually, almost all excuses where same.

People where mostly speaking English to me
It was different from all other languages I am speaking (just to be fair, at least Serbian is Indo-Europian language)
Most of times when I've try to speak I've managed to make a fool of myself...

To make things worse - I've learned grammar, and logically, I know how to put those words together - in theory. It's just too complicated and too slow to do it practically.

P.S.
Besides, it's good exercise for us to comment on your blogs, Chris. Nice way to practice English. Shame you never try the same on other people blogs...
mrdax mrdax 18:57 30.10.2010

Patience is the mother of all virtues :)

Chris, I must admit that I find your situation with the Serbian language very perplexing. In my opinion it is impossible not to learn any language in a decade.
Maybe you should put a conscious effort into learning it and challenge yourself on a daily basis.
I am currently learning German , and I managed to learn basics in less than two months of very intensive learning. Also, I can understand pretty much of it if person speaks slowly.
Try to immerse yourself into language and adopt a positive attitude towards language learning. It's definitely not a chore.
Also, we all had to learn English at some point
maca22 maca22 19:14 30.10.2010

Re: Patience is the mother of all virtues :)

mrdax
In my opinion it is impossible not to learn any language in a decade.

You're forgeting our 'prince'. :)
Chris Farmer Chris Farmer 06:44 31.10.2010

Re: Patience is the mother of all virtues :)

mrdax
Chris, I must admit that I find your situation with the Serbian language very perplexing. In my opinion it is impossible not to learn any language in a decade.


I can neither confirm nor deny this allegation.


duchesse duchesse 19:32 31.10.2010

Re: Patience is the mother of all virtues :)

In my opinion it is impossible not to learn any language in a decade.

It's an affective filter, that's what it is. I suffer from an affective filter when I'm supposed to speak French, even though it's my second language and I'm more than fluent.

I have to admit that I can't stand the French (there, I've typed it, you can start throwing proverbial stones at me). There's something snobbishly haughty about their rapport to the rest of the world. Take this for example:
"Il y a un pacte vingt fois séculaire entre la grandeur de la France et la liberté du monde." Hah? The world wouldn't be a free place if there hadn't been for French secularism? Please. Anyways, I always speak English with the French. Not only English, but English with a thick mockney accent. Takes them down a peg or two.
Chris Farmer Chris Farmer 23:22 31.10.2010

Re: Patience is the mother of all virtues :)

duchesse
In my opinion it is impossible not to learn any language in a decade. It's an affective filter, that's what it is. I suffer from an affective filter when I'm supposed to speak French, even though it's my second language and I'm more than fluent. I have to admit that I can't stand the French (there, I've typed it, you can start throwing proverbial stones at me).


Toujours est-il que la masque ostensible que nous portons vis-à-vis les langues qu’on choisie de pratiquer ne pourrait guerre nous cacher du fait que NOUS SAVONS qu’on fait semblant de ne pas parler aussi bien que nos hôtes.

Or, s’il s’agit bien d’un manque d’affection palpable d’une culture ou d’une langue, là-dessus je suis contraint de signaler mon accord aussi bien que mon honte.







duchesse duchesse 22:56 01.11.2010

Re: Patience is the mother of all virtues :)

mon honte

Bah, la honte, pourquoi la honte? Il n'y a rien à se reprocher, c'est plutôt normal, on n'est pas des automates. Et bien, c'est vrai, nous communiquons ces émotions, volontairement ou involontairement. Principalement, ce sont des émotions qui ont un impact sur notre compétence linguistique, sur le succès de l’apprentissage et de l'usage de la langue étrangère. En effet, si ce soit un manque d'affection, le succès ne sera pas éclatant, mais il est encore possible d'apprendre. D'autre part, s'il s'agit des émotions négatives à l’égard d'une culture particulière, nos efforts probablement seront vains.
gorran2 gorran2 04:26 02.11.2010

Reasons not to speak at all

1. There is always a danger to be misunderstood
2. There is also (even greater) danger to be understood too well

Arhiva

   

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