Društvo| Satira

Unnatural Cavemen

Chris Farmer RSS / 28.09.2014. u 11:37

One day, about two million years ago, a caveman discovered that lying with a cavewoman could lead to cavelings, while lying with other cavemen never did. This was a Discovery!

He began to speak to other cavemen about his discovery. He began to extol the virtues of making as many cavelings as possible with as many cave women as could be found. And he also began to warn everyone against lying with their fellow cavemen. He told them it was Wrong. He told them it was Unnatural. He said it would affect their ability to hunt mammoths and make fire.

Years later, after a long career of uneven success, he became Patriarch of the Serbian Orthodox Church.

Along the way, he had known many Homos - Rudolfensis, Habilis, Ergaster, Sapiens. He rather ostentatiously declined the opportunity to know Homo Erectus, on moral grounds, and as a result he has always walked with something of a stoop. He decried Homo Erectus as a "shameless degenerate" of evolution. He also spoke against Evolution.

Many people around him thought that of all the Homos, the Patriarch was the sapiensiest.

He continued to preach his Late Pleistocene values even unto the present day. He saw floods in his country and declared them to be the work of Unnatural cavemen who continued to lie with their fellows despite the Patriarch's warnings over all these eras.

He called for a return to the values of the Early Hominids. Making families, hunting large animals, and bludgeoning dissenters with blunt clubs and big rocks. The civil society around him listened. They began to pass some of his words into law. His incomprehensibly old geological age gave him an air of wisdom, even if his teachings were based on the behavior of primitive man.

While all this was happening, the people around him were growing up. The Pleistocene passed into the Quaternary. Homo Sapiens-Sapiens everywhere began to question the conventional wisdom of the last epoch. They began to see their fellow humans as humans and to respect the views and choices and beliefs of each. The world discovered that not all humans were the same in some ways, but that they were the same in many essential ways and that everyone had the right to live their lives unfettered by opposing belief systems.

But in the White City where the Pleistocene Patriarch still lived, there was announced a parade by his nemeses - the Unnatural Cavemen (although they had been out of the caves for nearly a million years, he did not keep up with modern vernacular). They intended to march around the streets and declare their pride. They were fighting for their rights.

The Pleistocene Patriarch was much annoyed by this. He made more speeches. He preached more hatred against the Unnatural Cavemen. And while he stopped short of instructing his flock to beat them to death, he never specifically said it would be a bad thing either.

The others look on with evolved sensibilities, moral outrage, and scientific curiosity as this primitive scene gets played out. Many hominids will be probably be hurt. Some may lose their freedom. Some may lose their lives.

All in the name of the primitive, Pleistocene values of a judgemental if injudicious little man.

***

NOTE: Following many complaints and a large degree of misunderstanding, I have amended this text somewhat - especially as regards "the rest of the world" and the ending. If there was any misunderstanding, I concede that some of the language may have been somewhat ambiguous and have tried to rectify it. - CBF 

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Komentari (42)

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hajkula1 hajkula1 12:06 28.09.2014

...

The rest of the world looks on with evolved sensibilities, moral outrage, and scientific curiosity as this primitive scene gets played out today in Belgrade. Many hominids will be probably be hurt. Some may lose their freedom. Some may lose their lives.



You are wrong sir.




Chris Farmer Chris Farmer 12:22 28.09.2014

Re: ...

And I hope you are right.
Jukie Jukie 13:56 28.09.2014

Re: ...

Well, the news says at least 50 were arrested, cameraman was hurt with a thrown rock, prime minister's brother and his bodyguards were beaten up and ended up in hospital.
srdjan.pajic srdjan.pajic 16:37 28.09.2014

Re: ...

Jukie
Well, the news says at least 50 were arrested, cameraman was hurt with a thrown rock, prime minister's brother and his bodyguards were beaten up and ended up in hospital.


Well, shit happens.
hajkula1 hajkula1 20:45 28.09.2014

Re: ...

Jukie
Well, the news says at least 50 were arrested, cameraman was hurt with a thrown rock, prime minister's brother and his bodyguards were beaten up and ended up in hospital.



Juki, kad moram da ti kažem,iš Ima tema kod Azdejkovića.
looping looping 13:27 28.09.2014

1

The rest of the world looks on with evolved sensibilities, moral outrage, and scientific curiosity as this primitive scene gets played out today in Belgrade.

What rest of the world? China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, India...?

I mean, I know that scientific curiosity and sensibility comes only from countries like UK, USA... so this doesn't make much sense.
looping looping 18:19 28.09.2014

Re: 1

Chris Farmer
looping
What rest of the world? China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, India...?

I mean, I know that scientific curiosity and sensibility comes only from countries like UK, USA... so this doesn't make much sense.


To this list, many countries might be added which you forgot. But by listing them, does it make intolerance at home any more acceptable?

No. But there is no need to dominate over the cavemen, although that cavemen makes us feel good about ourselves.
G.Cross G.Cross 13:56 28.09.2014

I see

All in the name of the primitive, Pleistocene values of an unevolved corner of the world
.

Hvala.
G.Cross G.Cross 20:53 28.09.2014

Re: I see

Gospodine Farmeru, ja se sve nadam da cete da se izvinete, kao ponela vas ne znam sta ili koja supstanca. Ovo je strasno sto ste rekli.
apacherosepeacock apacherosepeacock 21:08 28.09.2014

Re: I see

G.Cross
Gospodine Farmeru, ja se sve nadam da cete da se izvinete, kao ponela vas ne znam sta ili koja supstanca. Ovo je strasno sto ste rekli.


Ponela ga ljubav i briga, a sto da ne kazem(o) - i postovanje, sprocu Srba. Ko i Krpanka bloger Martina.
zilikaka zilikaka 21:30 28.09.2014

11

Gospodine Farmeru, ja se sve nadam da cete da se izvinete, kao ponela vas ne znam sta ili koja supstanca. Ovo je strasno sto ste rekli.


Gospodin očigledno u svom evolved corner of the world nije na vreme naučen osnovnim lekcijama pristojnosti.
cane.srbljanovic cane.srbljanovic 02:18 29.09.2014

Take it easy country boy

Primitive, unevolved!?

Chris - what's up buddy?

Not enough cow tippin' or possum kickin' in Serbia? Not enough 'Iowa dirt roads' in Serbia?

For a country boy from "freakin' godforsaken Iowa" you did quite well for yourself my boy. Big city, Bright lights... Europe.

Why so frustrated?
principessa_etrusca principessa_etrusca 11:41 29.09.2014

Disgraceful

This is an ugly, patronising and hateful piece, brimming with cultural stereotyping and prejudice.

You should have known better!


principessa_etrusca principessa_etrusca 22:05 29.09.2014

Re: Disgraceful

Chris, how about apologising and deleting this blog to spare yourself and b92 the embarrassment?

You surely understand that what you wrote is not only insulting, but amounts to incitement of religious hatred which is a criminal offence in Serbia.
zilikaka zilikaka 22:15 29.09.2014

Re: Disgraceful

Chris, how about apologising and deleting this blog

+1


Shall we count?
Filip2412 Filip2412 00:11 30.09.2014

...

I have to admit I liked most of the article and I do not feel offended.

The few objections:
Similar derogatory words can be said about many countries, and the States as well, in many aspects. So utilizing that phrase "the rest of the world" is never a good idea.

Don't let me start about common Canadian "hate speech" against the States :) yeah, lot's of the same is often used by your neighbors from the north: primitive, cavemen etc. especially when people talk about racial issues, gun policy, health system, criminally charging people for marijuana usage etc.

"The rest of the world" is a common helper in western politics, used to highlight and isolate an enemy. Something like "international community". Ugly words.
principessa_etrusca principessa_etrusca 13:31 30.09.2014

Re: ...

I have to admit I liked most of the article and I do not feel offended.

It seems you have missed the point as this is not about you personally being offended or not.

The content in question is offensive and unacceptable based on a very broad consensus.
Chris Farmer Chris Farmer 08:06 30.09.2014

Author's Note

I see that emotions seem to be running high on this page…

I would suggest, for your better understanding and greater peace of mind, that you read this satire again – but this time without the idea of “Us vs. Them” (or “US vs. Serbia”), because that has no part in this text.

zilikaka zilikaka 11:27 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

It's up to you....
principessa_etrusca principessa_etrusca 12:40 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

One of the most pathetic ways to respond to criticism is to label one's critics as overemotional, i.e. not fully rational, but you know very well that this is not about emotions.

It is not about the US and Serbia, and certainly not about satire (there is nothing satirical in your little piece).

It is entirely about decency (or rather a lack of it) and about arrogance (or rather an abundance of it).
a_jovicic a_jovicic 13:23 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

Chris Farmer
I see that emotions seem to be running high on this page…

I would suggest, for your better understanding and greater peace of mind, that you read this satire again – but this time without the idea of “Us vs. Them” (or “US vs. Serbia”), because that has no part in this text.

Seems that audience was affected by "wording mistake" ... If you use "Shaman" instead of "Patriarch" (and throw away actual places and institutions) nobody will notice anything disturbing (well ... maybe some of readers won't understand what is idea of text but at least nobody will complain)
principessa_etrusca principessa_etrusca 13:40 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

a_jovicic
Seems that audience was affected by "wording mistake" ... If you use "Shaman" instead of "Patriarch" nobody will notice anything disturbing (well ... maybe some of them won't understand what is idea of text but at least they won't complain)

Dispensing advice? How about your understanding of the hate speech legislation?
a_jovicic a_jovicic 13:50 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

principessa_etrusca
Dispensing advice? How about your understanding of the hate speech legislation?

We had much more serious hate speach by official representative of one institution but I couldn't see any legislative action. Chris maybe made mistake using actual titles and places but point of text is not so wrong ... some of us still living in stone age ... OK ... some become more advanced ... throws "fire-devices" instead of rocks.
Filip2412 Filip2412 15:15 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

hate speech legislation

Hate speech is legit only if you a Shaman. Of a registered Shamanism Papaya Church, or any other church at least.
srdjan.pajic srdjan.pajic 17:46 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

a_jovicic
Chris Farmer
I see that emotions seem to be running high on this page…

I would suggest, for your better understanding and greater peace of mind, that you read this satire again – but this time without the idea of “Us vs. Them” (or “US vs. Serbia”), because that has no part in this text.

Seems that audience was affected by "wording mistake" ... If you use "Shaman" instead of "Patriarch" (and throw away actual places and institutions) nobody will notice anything disturbing (well ... maybe some of readers won't understand what is idea of text but at least nobody will complain)


Preporuka, jovičiću!

Ljudi, koji vam je djavo, tekst govori o ovim divljacima što svake godine pokušavaju da zapale i kamenuju učesnike parade, i o njihovom duhovnom vodji koji je, sudeći po izjavama koje je opet dao, podjednako primitivan, iako sam ne baca kamenje. O državi koja to sve toleriše godinama da ne govorimo, a pogotovu o tome što i velika većina ordinarnog pučanstva nije baš sasvim načisto sa tim pederima, i njihovim pravima. Svejedno, ne razumem zbog čega se vi identifikujete sa njima. Kapiram jed zbog ovog "unevolved part of the world", ali to se očigledno odnosti na ovaj partikularni detalj i odnos prema seksualnim manjinama. Tu zaista jesmo nazadni. E, sad, da li to sme da kaže nekakav Kris iz Ajove, koji dvaes godina živi u Srbiji, pa ja mislim da sme, inače ispadamo nazadni i po još jednom parametru.

Great blog, Chris, as usual, although you could have anticipated the reaction, and instead of words "patriarch" use "bishop", and instead of Belgrade, pick some town in Croatia. You'd get more "recommendation" votes.





Filip2412 Filip2412 18:23 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

Great blog, Chris, as usual, although you could have anticipated the reaction, and instead of words "patriarch" use "bishop", and instead of Belgrade, pick some town in Croatia. You'd get more "recommendation" votes.

srdjan.pajic srdjan.pajic 18:51 30.09.2014

Re: Author's Note

Filip2412
Great blog, Chris, as usual, although you could have anticipated the reaction, and instead of words "patriarch" use "bishop", and instead of Belgrade, pick some town in Croatia. You'd get more "recommendation" votes.



Samo se ti kliberi i diži palčeve, glej sad kad me ovde spale na lomači.

blogovatelj blogovatelj 03:51 01.10.2014

Re: Author's Note

E, sad, da li to sme da kaže nekakav Kris iz Ajove, koji dvaes godina živi u Srbiji, pa ja mislim da sme, inače ispadamo nazadni i po još jednom parametru.


Za dvaes' godine nije naučio srpski?
G.Cross G.Cross 16:25 30.09.2014

Zamena teza

All in the name of the primitive, Pleistocene values of an corner of the world.


U ovoj recenici nema Patrijarha.

Za ceo ostali deo teksta, bas me briga. Tekst nije narocito originalan ali jos jedan na tu temu ne smeta.

Ali reci,

unevolved corner of the world.



grupi ljudi koja ti pruza gostoprimstvo tolike godine je krajnje bezobrazno.

Ti si arogantna bitanga. To ti bih ti rekao i da si Rus, Kinez ili Amerikanac. Ne zamenjuj teze.



zilikaka zilikaka 20:30 30.09.2014

Re: Zamena teza

Ljudi, koji vam je djavo, tekst govori o...


Ja ne znam koji je tebi djavo.

Neko ti dođe u kuću i počne da verbalno sere po tebi i tvojima.
Taman da je i zatekao nekog mortus pijanog, elementarna pristojnost (koja važi svuda) ne dozvoljava da gost to glasno komentariše.

O tome je reč.

On je ovde gost. U našoj zemlji.
Kad pokupi prnje nek laje šta hoće.


Ali reci,

unevolved corner of the world.


grupi ljudi koja ti pruza gostoprimstvo tolike godine je krajnje bezobrazno.


P.S. Ne volim kad sebi dozvolim ovakav rečnik, al "spram sveca i tropar."
Filip2412 Filip2412 20:55 30.09.2014

Re: Zamena teza

Neko ti dođe u kuću i počne da verbalno sere po tebi i tvojima.


relax

ima coek pravo na misljenje

uostalom nije to nista naspram onoga sta nasi pricaju o zemljama u kojima zive, od kanade, amerike pa do europe
zilikaka zilikaka 21:33 30.09.2014

Re: Zamena teza

uostalom nije to nista naspram onoga sta nasi pricaju o zemljama u kojima zive, od kanade, amerike pa do europe


gde pričaju?
objavljuju tamo, na njihovim medijima il kad dođu ovde olajavaju, a tamo ni da zucnu.

ima coek pravo na misljenje


brkaš pojmove.
Filip2412 Filip2412 21:46 30.09.2014

Re: Zamena teza

objavljuju tamo, na njihovim medijima
pa gde stignu, ima svasta na forumima stranih medija da se procita

kad neko dugo zivi u zemlji ima pravo na misljenje isto kao i domorodac, tako ja cenim
zilikaka zilikaka 22:09 30.09.2014

Re: Zamena teza

ima svasta na forumima stranih medija da se procita


Foruma ima svakakvih. Ovde je reč o VIP blogeru jedne od najjačih medijskih kuća. Pokušaj da zamisliš paralelu.
Filip2412 Filip2412 22:22 30.09.2014

Re: Zamena teza

Video sam blogova ovde koji su ostriji, da li treba ovaj da mi smeta samo zato sto covek nije poreklom iz Srbije?
srdjan.pajic srdjan.pajic 03:05 01.10.2014

Re: Zamena teza

Neko ti dođe u kuću i počne da verbalno sere po tebi i tvojima.


Oni o kojima se ovde radi nisu ni ja, ni moji. Toliko o tome.
blogovatelj blogovatelj 03:53 01.10.2014

Re: Zamena teza

grupi ljudi koja ti pruza gostoprimstvo tolike godine je krajnje bezobrazno.

Ti si arogantna bitanga. To ti bih ti rekao i da si Rus, Kinez ili Amerikanac. Ne zamenjuj teze.


Isto kao kad Omega krivi sve Jevreje za sve nevolje čovečanstva.
Dve suprotstavljene strane, obe bez smisla.
blogovatelj blogovatelj 03:56 01.10.2014

Re: Zamena teza

Oni o kojima se ovde radi nisu ni ja, ni moji


Nemoj tako. Možda su Naši
srdjan.pajic srdjan.pajic 04:14 01.10.2014

Re: Zamena teza

blogovatelj
Oni o kojima se ovde radi nisu ni ja, ni moji


Nemoj tako. Možda su Naši


Možda su Vaši, ali mi nekako glupo da ti persiram, blogi.

blogovatelj blogovatelj 02:51 02.10.2014

Re: Zamena teza

Možda su Vaši, ali mi nekako glupo da ti persiram, blogi.


Jesi mi ga šukno
G.Cross G.Cross 18:48 01.10.2014

I appreciate it man

NOTE: Following many complaints and a large degree of misunderstanding, I have amended this text somewhat - especially as regards "the rest of the world" and the ending. If there was any misunderstanding, I concede that some of the language may have been somewhat ambiguous and have tried to rectify it. - CBF


Nisam bas siguran kako se kaze na engleskom ali, I appreciate it man.
zilikaka zilikaka 20:51 01.10.2014

Re: I appreciate it man

Pošteno.

Arhiva

   

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