Parts and Labor Pains

Chris Farmer RSS / 09.06.2007. u 17:30


Where's the swich?
Having now invested a significant amount of cash into the Delta Money Pit (this is the technical term for the garage where my perfectly operating car has been transformed into a terminal patient), I am now investing my time.  

Yesterday, as a kind of joke, I was informed that my car was "ready" to pick up. Two weeks ago I had stupidly brought it here to have a check-up – oil, filters, and yada, yada, yada. I should have immediately seen the sodomy in their eyes when they said I had to leave the car for two days even to get an estimate.  

It turns out that my motor was slightly dirty and therefore would have to be replaced – naturally no one at the DMP would ever dream of fixing a part that could be ordered from far off Italy, shipped by a horse cart, and used to extort the equivalent of the Argentine national debt from me. 

The best part of all this is what comes now: I said, "Ok!"   

For them, this might have been an even better response than merely dropping my trousers and bending over. As it happens, I had consented to this for the whole company, in perpetuity, whenever the spirit moves them. 

14 days and thousands of euros later, I sit outside the garage watching the Experts attempting to turn off my rear passenger lights. I am now into the fourth hour of my vigil. It appears that while they were replacing every moving part of my poor car, one of the mechanics was hungry and began chewing on some exposed electrical cable.  

At this stage, I can no longer leave. I am utterly committed to watching on as they tear the guts out of my car in the bootless search for the custom-made sabotage of the under-fed mechanic. I have passed blithely from anger to rage, from rage to righteous fury, from righteous fury to melancholy, and from melancholy to cynicism, and I am currently cultivating Rye and Amused Detachment. This last, if I can sustain it, is probably best for my cardiac longevity. 

(And since my heart is no longer under guarantee, I should be wary of someone here ordering a replacement...) 

And now here I sit, on location, with plenty of time to write this blog on my phone. I mention as a by-the-way that, while writing this, I managed to drop the phone and crack the display (another Customer Service blog may be expected soon when they will want to mail my phone to Helsinki to fix it). 

Hour Five is beginning now. I came to the doctor for a runny nose, was given brain surgery, and found that they broke my toe during the operation. In watching them trying to find the problem for five hours, my trust in the rest of the million-dollar job has been somewhat destabilized. 

Dear Reader, I am low on batteries, patience, and cigarettes by now. The Alfa Romeo now lies prone and dismembered on the garage floor. And I have no idea how and in what way Humpty-Dumpty will be reanimated.  

I close this chapter inconclusively and hope that when archeologists find my remains here that they might unravel this mystery to a more satisfying end. 

And that rear lights will have been turned off. 



Komentari (7)

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snezana mihajlovic snezana mihajlovic 18:14 09.06.2007

I hope

this won't be the case...

All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again

yu1bcd yu1bcd 19:50 09.06.2007


Beware that Belgrade "majstori" watch Discovery TV for all the crazy ideas about the cars Electrical wiring is a separate discipline. Remote electrical energy transfer is just behind the corner, close to Tesla museum. Recent work done at MIT by another crazy Croat scientist.

bekrija bekrija 06:14 10.06.2007


wow, i thought that's possible only at my's mechanic shop.... some chop shop, for real, i went there 3 times and promise them that i pay them back... never happened..
darmar darmar 08:49 10.06.2007


I think only XZIBIT and his custom made car crew can help you now and "PIMP YOUR RIDE"... call them! You might get some of the latest state-of-the-art "necessary" gadgets installed! What can I say, man... GOOD LUCK!
Coa Smor Coa Smor 09:49 10.06.2007

Oh my god :)

Funny as it may seem to a non-involved reader I'm sure it's a terrible experience. And surely another reason for me not to take my driving test :) Good luck with your car, I'm afraid you WILL need it
oldtajmer oldtajmer 18:47 10.06.2007


I've read pretty bad reviews of this place. Good luck!
d j o l e d j o l e 13:14 11.06.2007

Police action?

Maybe this is the case for the police, since this is not only case of misconduct towards a customer, but this could be interpreted as a case of blunt theft (which most probably happened, with your original car parts).



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