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The Vaccine for Christmas

Chris Farmer RSS / 25.12.2009. u 10:18

For Christmas, everyone will get a small parcel of swine flu delivered into our bloodstreams.

Oh yes, I mean, IF we are already sick. And IF we get in line early enough. And because only 140,000 doses of the bug are sitting in Serbian vials, by a rough calculation, there is one shot for every 57,142 people.

So hurry! Avoid the Christmas rush!

The health minister got the first shot (naturally). But when the vaccines became available here last week, it seems there was no mad dash to the doctor to get stuck in the arm.

In fact, very few people with whom I have spoken think that they WANT this vaccine at all. The newly vaccinated health minister even said, before we went into a provisional and precautionary preliminary state of medical emergency, that people who did not want to be vaccinated should be registered. Shunned. Ostracized, Discriminated against.

In fact, now that you think of it, this would be a good way for the government to decide who gets the vaccines. We could eliminate the undesirable groups from the beginning.

  • No smokers (that already cuts out about 80%) because we have a death wish
  • No one who leaves an empty water bottle in the refrigerator
  • No one with outstanding traffic tickets
  • No one who forgot to buy that silly yellow vest to keep in the car
  • No one who argues too loudly in kafanas
  • No one who fumbles in their pockets for a checkbook in the supermarket
  • No one who handles fresh food without gloves
  • No rude check-out clerks
  • No one who parallel parks without looking back
  • No one who walks across the street in front of cars
  • No one who does not like sarma
  • No one who uses connections to get a new passport
  • No one who IS a connection for new passports
  • No shop keepers who shout "IZVOLITE!"
  • No one without exact change
  • No one who blocks the garage exit while paying
  • No one walks too slowly on sidewalks
  • No pets
  • No one who disagrees with any of the above on moral grounds

Crunching the numbers, it seems that if we apply these simple rules, we will have approximately 139,998 vaccines remaining. Remember, the health minister got one already...

If you are the one who qualifies, please report immediately for your Christmas vaccine shot! If you act now, we will give you a second dose for FREE!

Atačmenti



Komentari (9)

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duchesse duchesse 10:45 25.12.2009

Merry Christmas, Chris!

and may I add a group of undesirables to your list:
# No one who takes a shower once a month, eats a pljeskavica s lukom, drinks a shot of rakija early in the morning, and then gets on a crowded buss.
Rejlem Rejlem 10:52 25.12.2009

The first one!!! or at least I think so

Excellent post, Chris

The newly vaccinated health minister even said, before we went into a provisional and precautionary preliminary state of medical emergency, that people who did not want to be vaccinated should be registered.

Well, Minister, please register me I have nothing against this specific vaccine, but I am strongly opposed to the organised campaign of spreading panic among Serbian citizens regaridng the swine flu. And all for the benefit of the Owner of Serbia. The mortality from swine flu does not differ from that of a regular flu, and all activities of the Minister and his team (Mr. Kon whom I find most irritating) are for the benefit of pharmaceutical and import lobbies, and not for the people.

If you are the one who qualifies, please report immediately for your Christmas vaccine shot!


Looking at your list, it seems I qualify But, to quote Del Boy, no way Pedro

Preporuka, i.e. recommendation


duchesse duchesse 10:57 25.12.2009

Re: The first one!!! or at least I think so

(Mr. Kon whom I find most irritating)

+ 1
Rejlem Rejlem 17:01 25.12.2009

Re: The first one!!! or at least I think so

duchesse
(Mr. Kon whom I find most irritating)+ 1

Look at this, hilarious
anastasija.p anastasija.p 19:12 25.12.2009

Re: The first one!!! or at least I think so

(Mr. Kon whom I find most irritating)


+ 1

+1

Merry Christmas, Chris!
Chris Farmer Chris Farmer 21:16 25.12.2009

Re: The first one!!! or at least I think so

Thanks to all for the Christmas wishes!

CBF
Rejlem Rejlem 10:54 25.12.2009

The third one...

Merry Christmas, Chris!!! All the best in the year to come.
babela babela 23:54 25.12.2009

too late

So hurry! Avoid the Christmas rush!


Vlasta92 Vlasta92 10:31 30.12.2009

So, I can't have two?!!?

Arhiva

   

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