Priča iz Blaca (mart 1999)

Jasmina Tesanovic RSS / 28.03.2009. u 11:16

pise Igballe Rogova

na srpskom, in English

Kad je NATO počeo da bombarduje srpske vojne položaje na Kosovu i u Srbiji, cela moja porodica se skupila u kuću naše majke, da budemo zajedno. Srpska policija i paramilitarne jedinice išle su po Prištini terajući Albance da napuste domove i idu u Makedoniju ili Albaniju. Nas je bilo preko 37 u majčinoj kući: moja braća sa ženama i decom, moje sestre sa muževima i decom, rođaci. A imali smo jako malo zaliha.

Svakodnevno smo živeli u strahu od policije koja će doći da nas protera iz kuće. Četvrtog dana bombardovanja situacija se pogoršala.  Srpska policija se brutalno i agresivno svetila Albancima za NATO intervenciju. Morali smo da budemo sasvim tihi, a noću smo koristili samo sveće da neko ne bi otkrio da smo u kući. Prijateljice iz celog sveta su me zvale i molile da odem iz Kosova pre nego što bude kasno. Odbila sam. Bila sam sa svojom porodicom. U kući u kojoj sam odrasla.   

Namirnica je bilo sve manje. Nisam više imala ni cigareta. Rešila sam da odem do komšinice Srpkinje da je molim da mi kupi cigarete jer su u radnjama mogli da kupuju samo Srbi.  

Njena oba sina su stupila u srpsku policiju. Moja majka je rekla da je isuviše opasno da idem tamo. Možda su sinovi kod kuće i mogu da mi naude. “Čime mogu da me povrede?”, odgovorila sam joj.  

Odrasla sam sa njenim sinovima. Igrali smo se zajedno. Oni su bili siromašni a moja porodica ih je uvek pomagala. Otkad sam zaradila prvu platu 1984, uvek sam joj davala nešto para.

Otišla sam kod nje. Bila je sama i jako se iznenadila kad je čula da smo u kući. Dala sam joj novac da meni kupi cigarete i nešto za sebe. Obećala je da će mi kupiti. Nije.

Dve nedelje posle početka bombardovanja, naoružana srpska plicija je došla u našu ulicu isterujući Albance iz kuća. Počeli smo da se organizujemo. Svako je nešto malo spakovao da ponese jer nismo imali pojma kuda ćemo i kako. Stavila sam u torbu multivitamine, mamine lekove i svoju četkicu i pastu za zube. Mobilni mi nije radio na Kosovu jer je srpski režim odsekao mrežu da ne bismo zvali jedni druge, ali sam rešila da ga ponesem.

Molila sam porodicu da  ne otvaraju ako policija lupa na vrata, nadala sam se da će možda pomisliti da smo već otišli. Onda su došli, lupali su na naša vrata i krenuli ka sledećoj kući. Gledala sam ulicu kroz rupicu koju sam probušila na zavesi. Bila sam srećna kad je policija otišla dalje. Onda je izašla moja komšinica i potrčala za policijom vičući: ”Vratite se! Ima ljudi u ovoj kući! ” – pokazala je prstom na našu kuću.

Morala sam brzo da mislim. Rekla sam porodici da uzmu svoje torbe i krenu ka ulici da policija pomisli da smo čuli kad su lupali na vrata ali da smo se pakovali. Kad je stigla besna policija i razvalila vrata, počeli su da viču sa puškama uperenim u naše glave. Nekako sam smogla hrabrosti i viknula ja na njih: ”Što se ljutite ? Vidite da smo se pakovali i spremali da izađemo. ”

Moja reakcija ih je smirila. Odgovorili su : ”Požurite! Idite! I da se nikad niste vratili! ”

Zadržavala sam suze dok sam išla ulicom sa porodicom. Povremeno sam se osvrtala ka kući kao da je trebalo da se pozdravim sa njom. Osvrnula sam se i videla sam kako moja komšinica ulazi u moju kuću.

Kad smo stigli do centra grada, svuda je bilo policije. Iz svih ulica su stizali konvoji Albanaca koji su išli ka železničkoj stanici ka kojoj nas je usmeravala policija.  

Na stanici je čekalo na hiljade ljudi. Iznad nas i svuda okolo bili su snajperi.

Počela je kiša i morali smo da nađemo nešto da zaklonimo majku. Razbolela se pre nego što smo napustili kuću. Stizali su vozovi i odlazili prepunjeni hiljadama ljudi koje su odvozili na granicu sa Makedonijom.
 
Onda je došao red na nas. To nije bio putnički voz nego furgon za prevoz robe i stoke. Nagurali su nas kao stado ovaca. Nismo znali kuda idemo. Bilo je tako pretrpano i nije bilo prozora da smo morali da napravimo krug oko majke da bi mogla da diše.

Posle 40 minuta voz se zaustavio. Bilo je 2 sata ujutru. Čuli smo kako spolja policija viče: ”Poli voz benzinom i sve ih spali. ”

Držali  su nas još dva sata u panici u vozu dok su napolju bez prestanka vikali. Nisam mogla da verujem da se voz opet pokrenuo. Spasli smo se, pomislila sam u tom trenutku.

Još uvek sam zadržavala suze. Stigli smo u Blace. Na ničiju zemlju između Kosova i Makedonije. Policija nas je isterala iz voza i rekla nam: “Hodajte po šinama, sve okolo je minirano, i ne vraćajte se više! ”

U mraku smo hodali po dvoje. Mislila sam gotovo je. Spasli smo se! Ući ćemo u slobodnu zemlju. Skoro sam pustila suze, kad sam čula glasove. Plač male dece i preda mnom, rasuto po blatnjavim poljima, na hiljade ljudi koji su tu stigli na isti način kao i mi.  

Opet sam zadržala suze. Pomislih nije vreme da plačem nego da mislim. Išla sam poljem i pitala ljude koliko su već tu. Neki su rekli dva dana, neki čak pet.

Makedonska policija je pustila samo nekolicinu u zemlju. Nisu puštali humanitarne organizacije da uđu na ničiju zemlju. Zaustavili su i međunarodne medije da uđu na ničiju zemlju. Bili smo u klopci između dve policije.
Onih koji su nas puškama isterali iz naše zemlje i onda puškama dočekani od makedonske policije. Nisu nas smatrali ni izbeglicama. Nisu nas smatrali ni ljudskim bićima. Ne, to nije bilo Blace, ničija zemlja. To je bio pakao.

Najviše sam se brinula zbog majke jer sam pomislila umreće ako jedan dan ostane u ovom paklu. Morala sam nešto da smislim. Čula sam klik mog mobilnog. Mreža je ovde radila. Nisam mogla da verujem. Radi mi mobilni. Spaseni smo!   

Bilo je 6 ujutru, još malo sam čekala pa sam počela da zovem humanitarne oganizacije u Makedoniji. Odgovor je svuda bio isti: ”Ne dozvoljavaju nam da uđemo u Blace! ”

Kamioni sa hlebom su došli do Blaca ali ih nisu pustili unutra. Počeli su da bacaju hleb u gomilu ljudi koji su se gurali da priđu bliže da uhvate veknu hleba da mogu da nahrane decu.  

Bilo je hladno pa sam se jače obukla. Majku smo pokrili ćebetom koje smo poneli od kuće. Nije joj bilo dobro, pomislila sam da moram smesta da je izbavim odavde, ali kako.
 
Videla sam u daljini TV ekipu, potrčala ka njima vičući ljutito: ”Gde ste vi? Vidite da ovde ljudi umiru? Kolko vam je vremena trebalo? ”

To je bila američka novinarska ekipa TV stanice NBC. Novinarka je razumela moj bes i rekla: “ Ja sam Emi, radim za TV NBC. Ispričaj nam svoju storiju. ” Još uvek besna, odgovorila sam joj: “Koju storiju? Ovo što vidite je moja priča! ”  

Emi je bila vrlo ljubazna i pokušavala da me umiri. Objasnila je kako je uopšte stigla do Blaca. Putovali su preko planina jer makedonska policija nije htela da ih pusti da uđu.

Impresionirala me je njen hrabrost i malo sam se smirila. Pričala sam pred kamerama kako smo bili isterani iz kuća i kako smo putovali do Blaca.

Kad je odlazila, zagrlila me je, poželela nam srećan put i rekla mi: ”Možda neću više imati prilike da uđem, ali pošto ti telefon radi, mogu da te zovem. ”   

Emi i kamerman su se vratili u Makedoniju istim putem kojim su došli - preko planina.
Majci je bilo hladno. Smislila sam. Zamolila sam majku da ustane, ja sam je držala i brzim hodom vodila oko Blaca dok nije skoro izgubila dah. Brzo sam zgrabila sestru i rekla joj: ”Idi do makedonske policije i reci im da ona umire! ” Gledala sam sestru i majku kako idu ka policiji koja im je onda dala dozvolu da uđu u Makedoniju. Uspelo je. Ušle su u Makedoniju.    

Raščulo se da moj telefon radi pa su me prijateljice neprestano zvale. Izvan ničije zemlje, na kosovskoj strani, nalazila se prazna kuća u kojoj je još ivek bilo struje pa sam mogla da punim bateriju mobilnog telefona.   

Iz sata u sat gomila je rasla jer su vozovi stalno dovozili ljude. Poslepodne sam ugledala prijateljucu Fljaku Suroi koja je radila za UNICEF Kosova. Ona je bila u Makedoniji i sa bedžom UNICEF-a oko vrata, dozvolili su joj da potraži familiju, ali ne i da unese humanitarnu pomoć.  

Rekla je da može da mi pomogne da izađem ali da mora da ode po UNICEF-ov bedž za mene. To je bilo veliko iskušenje, ali sam pomislila na hiljade ljudi koji će ostati u ovom paklu. Imala sam mobilni telefon, mislila sam, biću ljudima od koristi i prenosiću informacije, pa sam odlučila da ostanem.
 
Sve vreme je sipila kiša pa smo stalno bili mokri. Uveče su ljudi pokušali da upale vatru da se ugreju ali ju je kišica gasila. Celog dana nisam ništa jela, ali sam imala vode i uzimala multivitaminske pilule. Srećom sam ih ponela. Ionako nisam mogla da spavam jer je svuda bilo mokro pa sam rešila da obilazim ljude i da pričam sa njima, da ih hrabrim i dajem nadu da će se stvari promeniti.   

Sutradan sam okupila decu da se igraju i da vežbamo gimnastiku. E, da smo imali loptu da se igramo, ali i gimnastika je bila dobra. Deca su bila srećna i smešila se roditeljima.

Onda su počele tragične vesti. Dva novorođenčeta su umrla tokom noći, a umro je i starac koji je bio bolestan a nije mu pružena medicinska pomoć. Pomislila sam kako ću svakog jutra gledati takve stvari. Nešto je brzo moralo da se uradi.  

Telefonom sam izveštavala medije o svemu. Još uvek međunarodni mediji i humanitrane organizacije nisu imale pristipa. Ljudi su počeli golim rukama da lome drvo da bi od ćebadi sklepali šatore. Preko dana je stalno bilo bučno. Ljudi su ljutito pričali pitajući se kada će ovo da se promeni.  Pokušali su da dođu do vekne hleba kada je kamion dolazio, ali uveče je bilo mirno pa sam uradila isto što i prethodne noći. Obilazila sam ljude, pričala sa njima, tešila ih. Davala nadu. Nisam mislila o tome šta je meni potrebno, već njima.   
 
Sutradan, kao što sam se plašila, čuli smo da je tokom noći pomrlo još ljudi. Sahranjeni su sa druge strane rečice.  

Mislila sam kako moramo nešto da uradimo. Ne možemo ovde da sedimo i da ništa ne činimo a da ljudi umiru u ovim uslovima.  

Zvonio je moj mobilni. Zvala je Rejčel koja je na Kosovu živela šest godina. Pred početak bombardovanja srpska policija je naredila svim internacionalcima da napuste Kosovo. Nije htela da ide, ali sam je nagovorila da ode u Budimpeštu. Zvala me je svakog dana da vidi šta se dešava. Kad je čula da smo isterani iz kuće, sela je na prvi avion za Grčku, onda u voz za Makedoniju, da me vidi.   “Igo, gde si?” – pitala je i onda rekla: “Ja sam u Blacu ali je takva gužva da ne mogu da te nađem! ”

Ušla je! Srce mi je poskočilo. Dok smo govorile mobilnim telefonima, usmeravale smo jedna drugu ka mestu na kome ćemo da se sretnemo. “Vidiš ono veliko drvo pored reke? Krenimo prema njemu”, rekla sam.

“Držim kišobran“  rekla je. Išla sam prema drvetu ali još uvek nisam mogla da je vidim od gužve. I najednom je bila tu, preda mnom. Potrčale smo jedna prem drugoj i dugo se grilile. Shvatila sam da je sa njom naša drugarica Šioban koja je sve snimala kamerom.  

Uspele su da ubede makedonsku policiju da ih propusti na ničiju zemlju, ali su naravno morale da sakriju kameru.

Donele su puno hrane i cigareta koje smo odmah podelile. Donele su mi i vreću za spavanje.

“Ovde mora nešto da se uradi, ”  rekla sam im. “Neki protest. Možete da nam pomognete i da obavestite sve medije u Makedoniji. I sve političke lidere. ”   

Ostale su četiri sata. Dok sam gledala kako odlaze, prvi put sam osetila da želim da odem sa njima. Srce mi se cepalo ali morala sam da ostanem da se organizuje protest.

Uspostavili smo organizacioni komitet koji je planirao kako će protest da se organizuje. Dogovorili smo se da ćemo sutra u 11 sati početi da pakujemo stvari, da ćemo napraviti kolonu okrenutu ka makedonskoj granici i tačno u podne poći ka granici polako, ali da ćemo vikati glasno: UPOMOĆ!

Uveče smo obavestili sve ljude da se pripreme za sledeći dan. Svi su se osmehivali jer su se dobro osećali što konačno mogu nešto da urade.

Zvonio je telefon. Zvala je Emi. Ona je stalno zvala da čuje kakva je situacija, ali sada je rekla da će me NBC uključiti uživo. Pitali su nešto o situaciji a onda su postavili pitanje:  ”Igo, jesi li ljuta i na koga si ljuta ”?

Odgovorila sam: Ljuta sam na velike sile koje znaju šta se ovde dešava i ne čine nikakav pritisak na makedonsku vladu da nas pusti u zemlju!”

Te noći sam razmotala vreću za spavanje koju je Rejčel donela i prvi put zaspala. Osećala sam se kao da sam u najskupljem hotelu na svetu.

Rejčel i Šioban su obavestile sve međunarodne medije koji su bili u Makedoniji, tako da je narednog dana granica bila načičkana gomilom novinara, ali smo primetili da su policijske uniforma drugačije. Nosili su odela za specijalne operacije, zaštitne prsluke i imali palice u rukama. Znali su za naš plan!  

Oko 10 ujutru, nazvao me je prijatelj iz Makedonije: ”Igo, moraš da obustaviš protest. Izbiće veliki rat. Policija bi mogla i da puca na ljude!”
Bio je u pravu, morali smo brzo da promenimo plan. Umesto da krenemo prema granici, odlučili smo da samo stojimo u redu i da vičemo: Upomoć!

Bilo je teško ubediti ljude da se plan menja. U 11 sti su se digli, pripremili torbe, ja sam drhtala plašeći se da će ljudi da krenu, ali u 12 svi su stali u red na jednom mestu i pola sata smo vikali UPOMOĆ.

Policija je bila ljuta ali nisu intervenisali jer nismo krenuli ka granici. Posle uzvikivanja, ljudi su raspakovali stvari i nastavili da pričaju među sobom.
   
Onda je stigao telefonski poziv. “Uspelo je! Večeras će pustiti ljude da uđu!”

Prenosila sam infromaciju ljudima i molila ih da šire dalje. Svima su suze bile u očima ali meni ne. Još ne.

Tada sam prvi put osetila da sam umorna i da više nemam energije. Gotovo je. Osetila sam da je moja misija završena. Mogu da pozovem prijateljicu Fljaku Suroi da mi pomogne da izađem iz ovog pakla.  

Kad sam je pozvala, rekla mi je: “Prvog dana smo te zvale da pođeš s nama ali ti si odbila, sad možeš tu da ostaneš.” Nasmejala sam. Znala sam da se šali. Onda je rekla: “U 1 sat dolazimo da te izvedemo!”    

Kasnila je zbog problema sa makedonskom policijom. Imala je bedž UNICEF-a za mene i trebalo je da izigravam međunarodni staf UNICEF-a. Pošle smo ka granici i videla sam da nas prati makedonski policajac. Sumnjao je da sam iz međunarodnog stafa UNICEF-a. Počela sam glasno da govorim prijateljici pretvarajući se da sam internacionalka: “Vidi ovo blato po mojim pantalonama, ne mogu da verujem koliko blata. Ovde sam pola sata i vidi na šta ličim!!!”

Policajac se vratio. Upalilo je.

Išle smo prema UNICEF-ovim kolima. Tek kad sam sela u kola, mogla sam da zaplačem. Plakala sam sve do Skoplja.

Igballe Rogova




BLACE STORY (March 1999)


When Nato started bombing Serbian Army positions in Kosova and Serbia, my whole family gathered at my mothers house so we could stay together. Serbian police and paramilitary units were going around Prishtina forcing Albanians to leave their homes and go to Macedonia or Albania. We were over 37 people at my mothers house: my brothers with their wives and children, my sisters with their husbands and children, my cousins. And we had very  little supplies.
Everyday we lived in fear of the police coming to force us out of the house.
On the 4th day of the bombing, the situation got worse. The Serbian police were taking out their brutal and aggressive revenge at Albanians for the Nato bombing.
We had to be quiet and in the night we only used candles, so no one would find out that we are inside the house. Friends from all over the world would call me and ask me to leave Kosova before it was too late. I refused. I was with my family. In the house where I grew up.

We had less and less supplies everyday. I ran out of the cigarettes as well. I decided to go to my Serbian neighbour to ask her buy me cigarettes, because in the shops only Serbian people were allowed to buy things.
Both of her sons had joined the Serbian police. My mother said its too dangerous to go and visit her. Maybe her sons will be at home and do something to me, she said. “ How can they harm me?” I answered.
I grew up with her sons. We played together. They were always poor so my family always helped them. Since  I got my first salary in 1984, I always gave some money to her.
I went to her house. She was alone and very surprised to know we were at the house. I gave her money for my cigarettes and also for herself. She promised that she would buy them for me.  She never did.

Two weeks after the bombing started, armed Serbian police came to our street, forcing Albanians out of their homes. We started to organize ourselves. Each of us packed something to carry with us because we had no idea where we would be going or how. In my bag I put my multivitamins, my mothers medicine and my toothbrush and toothpaste.
My mobile phone was not working in Kosova because the Serbian Regime had cut the Network so we wouldn’t be able to call each other but I decided to take it with me.
I asked my family not to answer the door if police would knock, hoping that maybe they would think we had left the house. Then they came, knocked at our door and continued on to the next house. I was watching the street through a tiny hole I had made in the curtain. I was happy when the police continued to knock at other doors. Then my neighbour came out of her house and ran towards the police screaming:
” Come back! There are people in that house!” –she pointed with her finger at our house.
If I hadn’t gone to ask her to buy me cigarettes she would not  know we were inside the house.
I had to think fast. I asked my family to take their bags and walk towards the street so that when the police would come they would think we heard the door but we were too busy packing our bags. When police came in anger and broke down our door, they started screaming at us pointing their guns at our heads. Somehow I found  the courage and screamed back:” Why you are angry? Don’t you see we were busy packing our bags and getting ready to leave?”
My reaction calmed them down and they replied:” Hurry up! Leave! Don’t you ever come back here!”
I was holding back my tears, as I walked down the street with my family. Now and then I would  turn my head back towards the house as if I had to say goodbye. Then  I looked back and saw my neighbour entering my house,
 
When we came to the center of town, there was police everywhere. From every streets came convoys of Albanians walking towards the train station, which where the police were directing us to go.

There were many thousands and thousands of people waiting at the train station. Above us and  everywhere around us were the snipers.

It started raining and we needed to find something to cover our mother. She had been ill before leaving the house. The trains were arriving and leaving filled with the thousands of people taking them towards the border with Macedonia.

Then it was our turn to leave. It wasn’t a passenger train but a train used for carrying cattle and goods. We were pushed inside as if we were a heard of sheep. We didn’t know where we were going. It was so crowded and no windows and so we made a circle around my mother so she could breath.
After a 40 min. journey  the train stopped. It was two am. We heard the police outside screaming:” Put gas on the train and burn them all.”
They let us panic inside the train for another two hours, while they continuously screamed  outside.
I couldn’t believe it when the train started moving again. We are saved, I thought at that moment.

Still I was holding back my tears. We arrived at Blace. The no land zone between  Kosova and Macedonia. The police made us get out of the train and said to us: “ Walk on the railway tracks because there are mines all around you and don’t you ever come back!”


In the dark we  walked two by two. I thought this is it. We are saved! We are going to go into a free country. I was almost letting my tears out, when I heard voices. Babies were crying and in front of me, spread around the muddy fields with no shelter were thousands of people who had been sent  here, the same way as we were.

Again I was holding back my tears. I thought its not time to cry but to think. I walked through the field  and asked the people  how long were they there. Some people said  two days, others even five days.
The Macedonian Police let only few people inside their country. They wouldn’t let   humanitarian organizations inside the no mans land. They also stopped  the International media entering inside no mans land. We were trapped between the two police forces. Those who forced us out of our country by guns and then welcomed by the guns by the Macedonian police. We were not even considered refugees. We were not even considered human beings. No, it was not Blace, no mens land. It was hell.

My first concern was my mother, I thought she would die if she stayed one  day in this hell. I had to think of something. I heard my mobile click. The Network was working  here.  I couldn’t believe it. My mobile is working. We are saved!
It was 6am and I waited a little longer and then started calling humanitarian organizations in Macedonia. They all gave the same answer:” We are not allowed inside Blace!”

Trucks with bread were approaching Blace but they were not allowed inside. They started to throw bread out to the crowd of people who were pushing to the front just so they would be able to catch one piece of bread so they could feed their children.

It was cold so I put on another layer. We covered my mother with the blanket we took from home. She was not feeling well and I thought  I have to get her out of here, but how?
In the distance I saw a TV crew, I ran towards them, screaming with anger:”Where  are you guys? Don’t you see people are dying here? What took you so long?”
They were US TV  journalists from NBC TV chanel. The woman journalist understood my anger and said: “My name is Amy, I work for TV NBC. Tell us your story”. Still angry I answered:”Which story? What you see here is my story!”
Amy was very kind and was trying to calm me down. She explained how she had to come to be inside Blace. They had traveled  through the mountains because Macedonian police wouldn’t let them in.
I was impressed with her courage and became calmer then. I shared my story in front of the camera about how we were forced out of our homes and the journey to Blace.
Before she left, she hugged me, wishing us safe journey and then Amy said:” I might not have another chance to come inside here but since your phone is working here I can call you”
Then Amy and the camera man returned to Macedonia taking the same way back: through the mountains.

My mother was cold. I had an idea. I asked my mother to stand up and while holding her, we walked very fast around Blace, until she could hardly breathe. Then quickly I grabbed my sister and said:” Go to the Macedonian police and tell him she is dying!”. I watched my sister and mother walking towards the police who then  allowed them to enter Macedonia.  It worked. They entered inside Macedonia.

The word spread that my phone was working, so friends were calling me constantly. Outside no mans land, on the Kosova side there was an empty house, where electricity still worked so I was able to charge my mobile batteries.

The crowd of people grew every hour because trains were bringing more and more people in. In the afternoon I saw my friend Flaka Surroi who was working for UNICEF Kosova. She was in Macedonia and with the badge of UNICEF around her neck, she was allowed in to look for her family but not to bring in any humanitarian aid.
She said she could help me get out but she needed to go back and get a badge of UNICEF for me. It was very tempting but then I thought of the thousands of people who would be  left behind in hell. I had a mobile phone and I thought I could be useful to people and share the information so I decided to stay.

All the time there was a drizzling rain so we were wet constantly. In the evening people tried to light a fire to warm up but the drizzle was putting the fire out. I didn’t eat all day but I had water and took multivitamin pills. I felt happy that I had taken them with me.
I couldn’t sleep anyway because it was wet so I decided to go around and talk to people, encouraging them, giving them hope that things will change.

The next day I gathered children together to play and exercise gymnastics. I wished we had a ball to play with but since we had nothing, the gymnastic was just as good. This made the children happy and gave a smile to their parents. 
Then the tragic  news started. Two newborn babies died during the night and an old man who was ill died because there was no medical care for him. I thought how each morning I would see things like this. Something had to be done fast.

I was informing the media through the phone about everything. Still no International Media or Humanitarian organization was allowed in. People started to cut with their hands some of the wood so that they could make temporary tents with blankets.
The days were always noisy. People talking in anger, wondering when things will change. They tried to get some bread when the truck came, but in the evening it was quiet so I did what I had done the previous night. Visit people around, talk to them, comfort them. Give them hope. Never thinking about my need, but their need.

The next day, as I feared, we heard about more people dying during the night.
They were buried on the other side of the small river.
I thought we have to do something. We can’t sit here and do nothing when people are dying in these conditions.

My mobile rang. It was my friend Rachel, who lived in Kosova for six years. Before the bombing started the Serbian police had ordered all the Internationals to leave Kosova. She didn’t want to leave but I had to convince her to go to Budapest. Everyday she would call me to ask how things are. When she heard we were forced out of our home, she took the first plane to Greece, then train to Macedonia, to see me. “Igo, where are you?”-she asked and continued: “I am inside Blace but its so crowded, I cant find you!”.
She was inside! My heart started jumping. While we were talking on the mobile phone we were giving each other directions on where to meet. “See that big tree before the river? Lets walk towards it” I said.
“I have an umbrella with me “-she said. I was walking toward the tree but still I couldn’t see her because of the crowd. Then she was there, in front of me. We ran towards  each other and hugged for a long time. I realized our friend Siobhan was with her, shooting everything with her camera.
They had managed to convince the Macedonian police to let them come inside the no mans land, but of course they had to hide the camera.
They brought lots of food and cigarettes  which we immediately shared. They also  brought me a sleeping bag.
“We have to do something here” I told them “Some kind of protest. You could help us and inform all the media present in Macedonia. And all the political leaders.”
They stayed for four hours. While watching them leave, I felt for the first time, I want to leave with them. My heart broke but I had to stay and organize the protest.

We set up an organizing committee planning how to organize the  protest. We agreed that next day, at 11am  we would start packing our bags and making a line facing the Macedonian border and exactly at noon, start walking towards the border slowly, but loudly shouting: HELP!
That evening we informed all the people so they would be prepared for next day. Everyone had a smile on their faces because they felt good that at last they would do something.

A phone call came. It was Amy. She was constantly calling to ask about how the situation was but this time she said that NBC will call me live from the US. They asked me some questions about the situation and then they asked:” Igo, are you angry and at who are you are angry with”?
I answered:” I am angry at the Big Powers who knows what is happening here and is doing nothing to put pressure to Macedonian Government to let us in!”

That night I opened up my sleeping bag Rachel brought and for the first time I slept. I felt I was in the most expensive hotel in the world.
Rachel and Siobhan informed all the International media present in Macedonia so the next morning around the border there was a big crowd of journalists but we noticed the uniform of the police had changed. They were wearing special uniforms with bullet proof jackets and huge batons in their hands. They knew about our plan!

Around 10 am, a phone call came from friend, who was living in Macedonia:” Igo, you have to stop this protest. This will lead to a bigger war. The police might even shoot the people!”
He was right, we had to change our plan quickly. Instead of walking towards the border, we decided we would just stand in a line and shout: Help!
We had a hard time to convince people to change our plan. At 11am they stood up, prepared the bags, I was shaking, afraid people would start walking but at 12, everyone stood in line in one place and for an half of an hour we all shouted: HELP!
The police were angry but didn’t intervene because we didn’t walk towards the border. After the shouting people slowly unpacked their belongings  and continued talking with each other.

Then a phone call came. “It worked! Tonight they are going to let people in!’
I started sharing the information to the people and asked them to spread the news. Everyone had tears in their eyes but not me. Not yet.

Then for the first time I felt tired and all my energy was gone. Its over. I felt my mission is over. I can call my friend Flaka Surroi, to help me get  out from this hell.
When I called her, she said: ”We asked you the first day to come with us but you refused, so now you can stay there” I smiled. I knew she was joking with me.
Then she said ”At 1pm we are coming to get you out!”

She was late because of  the trouble with the  Macedonian police. She had a UNICEF badge for me and I was supposed to play an International UNICEF staff. We started walking towards the border when I realized that a Macedonian police was following us. He was suspicious about me being an International staff of UNICEF. Then I started speaking loud to my friend pretending I am an International:”Look all this mud on my trousers, cant believe this mud. I was here only thirty minutes and look at me now!!!”
The policeman turned back. It worked.
We walked toward UNICEF car. Only when I sat inside the car, I was able to cry out. I cried the whole way  to Skopje.

Igballe Rogova

 
 


 
 



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