Please be polite, thank you

Sitting at a house party the other night I found myself apologising away for various apparent ‘short-comings’ on my part. The Serbian girl that I had been talking to then turned to me and asked me why I was apologising if I had done nothing wrong. She explained to me that in Serbia people only apologise when they do things wrong. Not so in England, as I immediately caught myself apologising for apologising too much.

What is it about the English and their apparent fixation with good manners, their obsession with remembering their Ps and Qs (Pleases and Thank yous)? And why is it that we are forced by our social and linguistic upbringing to use them so much? I had not really noticed it before in England, apparently immersed in a culture of being excessively polite, but since moving to Serbia I have come to recognise that this is exactly what we English do – use politeness excessively.

I don’t think there is superficiality to the politeness that you sometimes detect in the ‘Have a nice day’ politeness of the Americans, but then again at times you can’t help questioning the necessity of use. And although courtesy is generally a nice thing, Serbs have opened my eyes to England’s obsessive misuse. Some people might now argue that the Serbs can be impolite but there seems little sense in excessive apologies and niceties in many circumstances, particularly amongst friends and associates.

When I first arrived I was always a little taken aback by Serbs saying ‘Give me’ this or that without a please, but now I have found myself doing exactly that. And finding myself in London this summer really opened my eyes to the English fascination. Perhaps there is a happy medium appropriate to time and place. And if one uses please and thank you a little more liberally perhaps one can attach more value to the expressions of gratitude and remorse.