Sticky Carrots

Reading the news about Serbia’s chances of renewing talks with the EU, I came across a line from the chief Government Talking Head (or Head of Talking, as you like) which baffled me:

 “It’s a pity that EU talks won’t be continued at this time, since that would motivate us to finalize the Hague cooperation as soon as possible,” Đurić told the press. (B92, October 15) 

Now, it is just possible that I am a little old fashioned about interpreting texts. This I freely admit. But somehow I remember reading that the EU talks had STOPPED in order to motivate the government to cooperate with The Hague…

This back-to-frontism and logical table-turning may explain why the G17Plus G-Men have quit their jobs while remaining steadfastly in office. It may also tell why the new draft constitution zipped through parliament in 6.7 seconds after six years of wrangling and waiting around.  

In fact, now that I think about it – this explains EVERYTHING! The heart of the heart of the matter is that when it comes to statements from the government, one-plus-one does not necessarily have to equal two. Or even three. In this cosmic epiphanic moment, I realized that one-plus-one equals:

   a) two small tomatoes on a chair somewhere outside Denver, Colorado;

   b) an anomalous blip on a radar screen which was probably a weather  balloon;

   c) 17 cornish hens, roasted;

   d) Something else entirely;

   e) All of the above.

When you look at it in this way, it is obvious that the carrot-and-stick approach to dealing with the Future Former Serbian Government is really inappropriate and is to be avoided.

Someone out there is certainly going to eat the stick.