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Šešelj’s Liposuction: Vidoviti James' New Year’s Predictions for 2007

LiposuctionLiposuctionI have a friend from Bosnia who is very good at predicting the future. She uses beans, coffee cups and tarot cards to look into people's future and see what will happen. She has always been very accurate and almost everything she has predicted has come true. Because of her gift as a seer I have often used her skills professionally, particularly when it comes time to write reports. I decided that we should give the people of Serbia the benefit of our great wisdom and insight and that we should compare our predictions for 2007 and see whose are the most accurate. First are Fata’s predictions, followed by mine. Read below to see what will happen in Serbia in 2007.

Fata’s Predictions:

  1. Dinkić and G17+ will be in any government that is formed. Their slogan will be “Expertise After Politics”.
  2. Ceca, in an effort to imitate Pamela Anderson, will undergo successful breast reduction surgery. She will experience difficulty keeping her balance and walking.
  3. Premier Koštunica’s cats will accidentally smother him while he sleeps. The Serbian Orthodox Church will make him a saint and bury his body under the TV Tower on Avala.
  4. Jelena Karleuša, in an effort to compete with Ceca, will undergo successful breast and lip reduction surgery. Unable to balance, she will fall over backwards.
  5. Vojislav Šešelj will go on an obesity strike, eating until he becomes so large and bloated that it threatens his health. The Hague will order mandatory liposuction.
  6. Želko Mitrović will become intellectual, adding a poetry reading segment to the “Grand Show”, banning women with miniskirts and cleavage, and changing to an all classical format. Ratings will soar as Serbia tunes in to watch.
  7. Velja Ilić will undergo ego reduction surgery. It will prove unsuccessful.
  8. The Miss Serbia contest will pick the most beautiful woman in Serbia. Really.
  9. President Tadić will get some new advisors. They will help him outsmart Koštunica and the DSS.
  10. Olja Bečković will be voted in to the Serbian Academy of Arts and Science. This will lower the average age of Academy members by 50 years as well as raise the level of intellectual debate.
  11. Carla Del Ponte will admit that Radovan Karadžić is really her secret lover and that she has been helping him hide all these years. Karadžić’s wife will seek a divorce.
  12. Vuk Drašković will be voted in to the Big Brother house at the 21 January parliamentary elections. Miki will move in with Danica.
  13. Ratko Mladić will surrender to the Hague, heartbroken by the news about Carla and Radovan. He will call Carla a “two-timing floozy” and say “but I love her more than he does…Carla, come back to me”.
  14. The government will begin an anti-gay campaign. Some SRS members will leave the country.
  15. Kurir will change its format to resemble Politika. Readership will increase.

Following Fata’s predictions, I decided to have a go at predicting the future myself. My predictions aren’t as detailed as hers, and they are far more boring. Here is what “Vidoviti James” thinks will happen.

Vidoviti James’ Predictions:

1. CSI and Big Brother will continue to get good ratings.

2. FOX TV might actually start broadcasting something worth watching.

3. Zastava will once again announce a major foreign automobile manufacturer is getting ready to invest in Kragujevac.

4. Some members of (pick one): a) the SRS; b) the JSO; c) the army; or d) MUP, will be photographed wearing t-shirts of (pick one): a) Ratko Mladić; b) Radovan Karadžić; or c) the JSO emblem.

5. B92 will once again not invite me to its blog party.

6. I will continue to refuse to give interviews to the Serbian media.

7. I will finish my novel and find a publisher.

8. The McDonalds in Novi Beograd will still have the best chocolate doughnuts of any McDonalds in Beograd.

9. A government may not be formed until the middle of the year.

10. In an effort to help “democrats” in Serbia, the international community will delay moving ahead on a Kosovo future status decision for fear of negatively influencing the formation of Serbia’s government.

11. The political parties may deliberately resist forming a new government, which would mean new parliamentary elections in the middle of the year.

12. This will cause the international community to delay Kosovo status even further.

13. Kosovo Albanians may lose patience with the pace of the status process and resort to violence against internationals and minorities.

14. The Security Council could be forced to deal with Kosovo in an emergency context.

15. The EU will continue to appear foolish as it tries to coax Serbia’s government into implementing pro-EU integration policies.

These are my predictions. Now, during the course of the year let’s compare my predictions with Fata’s and see whose are the most accurate.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.


So, sex,drugs & turbo roll.
I guess Bora Corba wiil sing his favorit song: Pogledaj svoj dom , andjele for the start.

Happy Holidays!!!

"8. The McDonalds in Novi

"8. The McDonalds in Novi Beograd will still have the best chocolate doughnuts of any McDonalds in Beograd."

James Homer Lyon Simpson

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

pa mogla je ta tvoja "Fata" da ti procita sudbu i za US,UK i neke muslimanske "bratske" zemlje ....

A u maloj Srbiji..sudbinu joj cine pokvareniji,ruzniji i lukaviji..a nikako poshteniji,lepshi i kvalitetniji ...dotle jos treba da se nacekamo ..dok se "ruzni" i frustrirani ne najedu siti ...


I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I mean, if you are in Belgrade, SRECNA TI NOVA GODINA!!!
Uzivaj! Love from L.A.

Well if b92 have failed to

Well if b92 have failed to invite one of their most entertaining - really! - bloggers as well as one with a formidable if at times worrying insight into the nature of this troubled country to their blog party, then that's their loss :)

JSO members, btw, won't be wearing anything, for the simple reason that such a unit no longer exists, therefore, has no members. It's been disbanded. Perhaps we'll be able to say the same about the SRS this time next year.

Doesn't look auspicious, though.

Merry Christmas.

cuts like a ...

Haha, Lyon realy cuts like a knife! Oups, sorry, Fata cuts like a knife, and Lyon cuts like a lion ;)

Što je babi milo, to joj se

Što je babi milo, to joj se i snilo...

**Take your place in history and pray you don't repeat it**

James, who is Jullian Lyon from Goodison

Just question whether you might be relatives?
Nick Hornby


precognition, prediction, possible scenario, contingency planning or just a joke?

11 and 14 are particularly interesting, but I think you omitted 11.5 and 14.5 as key ones.


13. Kosovo Albanians may lose patience with the pace of the status process and resort to violence against internationals and minorities.

You mean Kosovo Albanians may [...] resort to violence against internationals and minorities again.

Milentivs Pannonivs Optimvs

Milentije knows

Pro patria

Neron nije hteo da spali Pristinu...

Vidoviti James’ Predictions:

Mighty James Lyon jos jednom medju glupim Srbima... Pa dokle vise?! I cemu blog na engleskom kada je opste poznata cinjenica da Mighty James vise nego dobro vlada srpskim. Ili je i ovaj blog na engleskom napisan u svrhu ne bi li ucmali srpski mozgovi resili puzzle pomenutog gospodina.

you have problem...

in that your predictions can be read in papers - not sure why you called them predictions...[Fata's predictions don't deserve a comment]


Mr. Lyon,
zadivljena sam!
Bila bih Vam vrlo zahvalna ako bi ste stupili u kontakt sa mnom na .


7. I will finish my novel and find a publisher.

And then return back to Boston? Bez veze :-)

Just enjoyed your first blog about tango.

Season's greetings from Slovenia after 3 weeks in Lincoln, Mass.

7. The publisher


Another prediction or

Another prediction or two:

1. James Lyon will finally acquire a sense of humor which he is in great need of; therefore the readers of his blog will stop dying of boredom while reading his postings.
2. The author of these lines will acquire a life which will hopefully prevent her from spending so much time on B92 blog:)

Really James, I do support what you do here, and I agree with many of your opinions and attitudes, but your great desire to be funny with the help of irony and sarcasm is hopeless, and I'm saying this for your own good:) I am a great admirer of these two literary devices, but somehow, seems to me that you have to be a Brit in order to use them successfully. Sometimes you overdo it with sarcasm, so that in the end you start sounding bitter, which I know you are not and have no reason to be. I much prefer your serious blogs, i.e. those in which you are not trying to be funny.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too.


So, just why are you such a blowhard? Inferiority complex? Abused a child? Like being a big fish in a small pond, and hate being a plankton in the ocean? Just why are your posts so boring, repetitive, and mindless? This is good news at least: I will continue to refuse to give interviews to the Serbian media. Also, #7 (I will finish my novel and find a publisher) should be good for a laugh...

Incidentally, I don't mind if you delete this comment, as you have done before when I politely disagreed with your enlightened views...