The Deadly Serbian Draft / Smrtonosna srpska promaja

I am an American who has lived in Serbia off and on for about four years, and I have definitely grown to love the Serbian people (after all, I'm married to one); but, there are one or two things that drive me mad with the Serbs, especially in the summer: the fear of the draft, wet hair, sitting on concrete, walking around barefoot, airconditioning, etc.

I have had the argument a hundred times, but my wife is the sole Serb whom I have succeeded in convincing that the draft does not cause headaches or colds, nor does wet hair; sitting on concrete will not make a women infertile, nor will walking around barefoot. And my wife wasn't fully convinced until after having lived in the States for over a year and seeing that no one there pays mind to the draft.

I know that every Serb that reads this will think, "But the draft does give me a headache." Well it might give you a headache, but not me - and not over 300,000 million Americans of mixed natioalities either. My mom, grandma, and two aunts are all nurses in the United States, and I asked them about the dangers of the draft after first hearing about them when I came to Serbia. My mom laughed and asked if I was kidding, especially when I asked her if sitting on concrete would or could make a woman infertile.

So why do Serbs get headaches and colds from the draft, while Americans don't? Is there some genetic mutation in question, or are the Serbian drafts possibly more deadly than the drafts in America? No, obviously. I'm afraid it's the placebo effect - Serbs believe they will have a headache if they are in the draft, so they do get a headache. Also, if they happen to get a headache, they will automatically remember that there was a slight breeze just a minute ago, so that must be the culprite.

I know no one will believe me when I say the draft is harmless, but at least I said it, and you foreigners who are living in Serbia will at least get a laugh, because you know what I'm talking about.

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Ja sam Amerikanac koji zivi sa periodicnim prekidima vec cetiri godine u Srbiji, i svakako sam zavoleo srpski narod za to vreme (na kraju krajeva, ozenjen sam Srpkinjom). Medjutim, postoji par stvari kod Srba koje me prosto izludjuju, pogotovo leti: strah od promaje, mokre kose, sedenja na betonu, hodanja sa bosim nogama, klime, itd.

Vodio sam tu raspravu stotinu puta ali moja zena je jedan jedini Srbin koga sam uspeo da ubedim da promaja ne uzrokuje glavobolje ni prehlade, niti ih uzrokuje mokra kosa; da zena nece ostati neplodna zbog sedenja na betonu, niti zbog hodanja sa bosim nogama. A ona nije ni bila sto posto ubedjena dok nije zivela u Americi preko godinu dana i videla da niko tamo ne vodi racuna o promaji.

Znam da ce svaki Srbin koji ovo cita misliti: "Ali ja zaista dobijam glavobolje od promaje". Pa mozda vi i dobijate glavobolje od promaje, ali ja ne, niti jos preko 300.000 miliona Amerikanaca mesanog porekla. Moja majka, baba i dve tetke su sve medicinske sestre u Americi i pitao sam ih o opasnostima promaje cim sam cuo o tome kad sam dosao u Srbiju. Moja majka se smejala i pitala me da li se salim, pogotovo kad sam je pitao da li moze zena da ostane neplodna ako sedi na betonu.

Pa zasto onda Srbi dobijaju glavobolje i prehlade od promaje dok Amerikanci ne dobijaju? Da li se radi o geneticnoj mutaciji ili da li su mozda srpske promaje nekako smrtonosnije od americkih? Naravno da ne. Mislim da se ipak radi o plasibo efektu - Srbi veruju da ce dobiti glavobolju ako budu izlozeni promaji pa glavobolju i dobiju. Takodje, ako slucajno dobiju glavobolju, automatski se prisete da su malocas pre bili na nekoj promaji, pa ona mora da je krivac.

Znam da mi niko nece verovati kad kazem da je promaja bezopasna, ali makar sam to rekao javno, a vas strance koji zivite u Srbiji ce to bar nasmejati, jer vi znate o cemu ja pricam.