Rijetko mi se dogodi da usred bijela dana imam vremena setati gradom...sjediti u kaficu "u izlogu", promatrati ljude...ili samo buljiti u prazno. Danas je bio jedan takav dan.
Kod Jarila sam se prisjetila godisnjice Mozartovog rodjenja i okacila link na stavak iz Requiema. Naravno...nije bas najveselije od Mozarta, ali meni je tada nekako pasalo. Kako to obicno biva, link je najvise djelovao upravo na mene. Palo mi je na pamet da ponovim gradivo vezano za posljednje trenutke ovog velikog umjetnika i procitam nekoliko njegovih pisama. Usla sam u knjizaru i pronasla Mozartova pisma....malo sam listala...malo cituckala, a onda primijetila zbirku Beethovenovih pisama.
Da li je tu i ono slavno..."To Immortal Beloved"?
Nasla sam ga. Sjajan prijevod, jezik, stil, dubina, odanost...ljubav koja nema nikakve veze s danasnjim vremenom. Razmisljala sam da li da kupim knjigu ili da je ipak ostavim na polici. Mozda ce neki zanesenjak isto tako bubnuti i traziti ovo besmrtno pismo?
July 6, in the morning
My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be -
Your faithful LUDWIG
Evening, Monday, July 6
You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays - the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man - it pains me - and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven?
Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I nedd a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a clam consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Kolika je ljubav poslati takve rijeci...a koja je tek odgovornost tako nesto primiti!
Stigoh kuci, pravo na blog (a gdje drugo?) i nadjem sjajan tekst od miniko63.
Scroll down...puf...komentar od Unfa
Neko vrijeme sam buljila u kako to beše kada držiš nekoga kao malo vode na dlanu...
A onda kliknem na naslovnicu i momentalno se otrijeznim:
Zato, više ljubljenja, vatanja, skidanja, bluda i razvrata, jer u tome treba da bude draž gej klubova.
Autor me banirao davno i danas sam to konacno shvatila kao kompliment!