One fine day, a couple of weeks ago, I heard the announcement that if the Radicals should win the upcoming presidential elections – i.e., Smiling Tommy Nik – that she was ready to pack up and leave the country.
Hm, I told her.
And I really did mean it. I thought, hm, where is she going to go? I thought, hm, if the protection of my son, who is alternatively Zorro, Spiderman, and Pachycephalosaurus, depending on his mood, was not enough for her, what else would be? And – I continued in my hmming – where did she think the next best refuge for her would be? Moreover, I hmmed, and I placed particularly poignant emphasis on the phoneme, why?
As an extraneous foreign unit, I know that my musings on the elections – and I have had the chance to muse about a great many of them in the five years that I have been here – are not extremely valuable. Moreover, I know that many of you who are reading my musings are probably not voters either. However, as I (we) will be subject to the whims of whatever regime is tipped for the Big Chair, as much as any voter, I am a concerned constituent.
AND because the outcome of the elections will directly determine whether I need to find a new babysitter or not, I am sure that I have at least one dog in this fight.
The first task that I needed to address was to determine what she would do if SOMEONE ELSE were elected. As far as I am concerned, you need a contingency plan for all potential outcomes. For example, if Minister Cacak is elected, does she plan to leave Belgrade for the new Central Serbian capital? If she stays, does she plan for a new attitude toward infrastructure projects? If Boris stays, is it status quo? And what about Ceda or Milanka or Milutin Mrkonjic? The point is why do the Radicals get their own plan?
Problematically, it seems to me that every result of this race should force us to consider taking flight. The candidate could be an ultra-nationalist, an alleged criminal, a potato, a drug addict, a moll, or a Pachycephalosaurus (hypothetically speaking, of course), but it is clear now – as opposed to earlier presidential elections I have seen – that SOMEONE will be elected. When Someone is anointed with the ceremonial oils, Someone will have a policy agenda, and Someone will want to get a few things done right away – even if the first agenda item is to go on holiday.
Therefore I ask you, o guardian of my child, wherefore the almighty rush to the border for one man alone?
The other question I had hmmed about was the Why. I am struggling to comprehend the possible downside to babysitting under a Radical presidency. It is a puzzler to me. Maybe she has some SECRET INFORMATION about babysitting plans direct from undercover sources in Zemun. Does she think that Nik will be against the fair treatment of babysitters? Do the Radicals plan to institute a National Babysitting Plan? Will the continued existence of babysitters, under the NBP, be contingent on Euro-Atlantic integration? On Russian investment? On the status of Kosovo?
Clearly, my babysitter knows more than she is letting on.
From my point of view, it is hard to distinguish the possible changes which a new (or renewed) president will want to enforce regarding babysitting. The president’s purview does not cover babysitting now, as far as I know. Any of the possible (hypothetical) candidates would have to push it through the cabinet and through the parliament. This is roughly comparable to pushing a large metallic object through a slab of granite by applied pressure from three finger-tips.
We are still a few weeks away from any possible exodus, but I will be monitoring the relative distance of my babysitter’s bags to the door. Extraneous foreign unit that I am, I will not have much to say about babysitting policies. If she must really abscond to parts unknown and unradical, I will not stand in her flight path. I will, however, suggest she adopt a wait-and-see attitude.
After all, as long as she stays, she still has Spiderman on her side.